SHOP 4 BALLERS EXCLUSIVE FROM TRENTON

Insert your own Tron jokes. Please watch this, it is amazing.

Wheeeeeeee!

SENSEI MEADOWS IN DA HIZZOUSE or AIDS KARATE BEATS SEATTLE KARATE ANYDAY (IN THE 80s)

Watched a terrible film the other evening with some friends, mostly because of the descriptive text and the inclusion of a small Colorado town:

After punks at school hand him a savage beating, gay teen McClain Evans (Michael O'Laskey II) secretly begins martial arts training with Karen O'Neil (director Diana Lee Inosanto), a woman who has her own axe to grind with the narrow-minded rural community. But as Evans learns to stand up to prejudice and hate, the boy and his sensei unleash a firestorm of controversy in their small Colorado town.

So I figured it'd be a goofy karate kid type thing with a gay teen angle and full of bad music and high school stereotypes. Well it went into darker AIDS fear fueled territory for the most part, and pretty quick. But the over the top-ness of the family that I guess lived stuffed in a church basement, the Ramones-esque main character, actually decent karate, and the ridiculous school bullies helped ease the pain. As did the most excellent acting.

But most of all the whiteman version of Tim Meadows made it sing. Couldn't get it out of my head once it was pointed out by Mr. Sandwich. Also, despite the box cover, there were no sword fights or climactic showdows. Not enough lasers either. I wanted lasers.

BEER CRIT

What do you get your favorite DM if you want some leniancy after a Gelatinous Cube has your character slowly dissolving in its gut? Why, beer with Dragons and shit on it. Duh.

12% ABV: Check.
Dragon: Check.
Italian: Check.
Any Good?: Unknown...

THE BATTLE YOU'VE ALWAYS NEVER WANTED TO SEE!

Saw this in the aisle chaos scatter at a Toys R Us the day before xmas. A 2 pack of stink for most kids since one is way superior than the other. You get all jazzed to see Merman poking out of the wrapping paper and hope that maybe the other figure is Man E Faces or Ram Man or something - but then recoil in horror to find Aquadouche. (tangent: how did Optimus Prime end up pimping He-Man in those commercials?)

But some kids might choose wrong. Perhaps this special packaging is sorta like the Daigoro sword or toy test from Lone Wolf and Cub. Helps weed out the chaff. Except today we're not baby killin' barbarians, so instead the Aquaman choosin' kid just gets their hand cut off and is allowed to live in shame. Because Merman is totally awesome. Check out his stylish sea vest and aqua-cummerbund!

SOMETHING TO BE MIGHTY STOKED ABOUT.

A new Dead Milkmen album. Yay!

PRE-SNOW DOUCHERY or WELCOME TO MASSSACHUDCHEETTEEES

The very definition of a MASShole.
And this one isn't even in motion.

CHECKLIST ACTIVATE!

1. Parked under a red light.
2. Blocking traffic from two directions.
3. Headlights off.
4. Completely snow covered windows.

Give that man trophy.

PARK N PAINT

I jumped through the racket-filled hoops of the RI DMV this week. One such money-hoop was a VIN check. You had to go to a dude at a special police station that is open every other 3rd full moon for like 3 hours in the middle of the day. Next, pay him 10-30 bucks cash, and he'd check you car VIN vs your title. At this point you could now go find a person to notarize the friggin' application for a new registration. Yay!

Anywho, the place had a special row of parking garage spots. The signs don't indicate anything about being towed or fined if you park there too long, just that you will be tagged. And given the many vibrant non-tax dollar funded murals that surrounded the place, I'd not park there for more than 15 minutes...

I HAVE FOUND BEERLAND

I've been told to go check out this place up the road by Jess² and her knowledgeable beerman. It's like a whole 3 miles away - which is light years in this town. So I've been going instead to the one that's 2 miles away. But I was driving back from some coupon fueled errand (how does Michael's stay in business?) and saw the neon lights beckoning, so I swerved in for a looksee.

Hoooooooooooray. Place is loaded. Isles of crazy stuff. Coolers of good stuff. Mountains of crap stuff. The rest of the place is an alcoholics delight as well. Plus there's a can and bottle collection thingie attached. So in the parking lot I get to dodge station-wagons full of bottles and cans that are driven by hobos (all the windows are broken).

Also there's a special isle for Stuspengy.

"Oh, so Anchor Steam in in San Fran huh? Neat."

PAINT MAKES HAPPY

After a bunch of effort and lots of cursing, the hellish area that is my day-prison has finally been painted. I've been locked in this room, day-in/day-out staring at the institution green walls with a crap pile behind me that awaits a painted room. The mental downer this has been can finally be blocked. It's painted, I have purpose in here now.Have you gotten the idea that this room is painted and I'm stoked? New desk mat for my chair! Corner shelves for nerd shit! I even cut a hole in the outer desk wall for the radiator to poke through and warm my feet! Wheeeeee!

OK, AMC. I AM SATED.

Not too much of the zombie outbreak was explained, as most of the facts were fuzzy and the dude didn't know what he was doing. The rest of the world is still a large enough mystery since the power/communication gird went down and no one seems to know what the deal is anywhere. The CDC exploded and is gone. No goofy new plot lines were developed. The cast has been whittled down to the canon group, with the welcome bonus of Darryl. The whisper thing was lame, but is easy enough to puzzle out if you think about it. Merle is still running around and will most certainly be back as an evil d-bag. Essentially, they built themselves a big fat reset button so that come second season they can plot a decent story arc or two. Smart move? However, the ending didn't really leave any openings or tantalizing bits to get you stoked for more, besides basic survival. Ya know? It could theoretically just end here with a well placed "and there were nooooo survivors".

Switching to something that should've ended a long while back, but like a stubborn zombie keeps lurching forward - I leave you with this balsphemous nightmare that aired tonight.

THE END