THE BATTLE YOU'VE ALWAYS NEVER WANTED TO SEE!

Saw this in the aisle chaos scatter at a Toys R Us the day before xmas. A 2 pack of stink for most kids since one is way superior than the other. You get all jazzed to see Merman poking out of the wrapping paper and hope that maybe the other figure is Man E Faces or Ram Man or something - but then recoil in horror to find Aquadouche. (tangent: how did Optimus Prime end up pimping He-Man in those commercials?)

But some kids might choose wrong. Perhaps this special packaging is sorta like the Daigoro sword or toy test from Lone Wolf and Cub. Helps weed out the chaff. Except today we're not baby killin' barbarians, so instead the Aquaman choosin' kid just gets their hand cut off and is allowed to live in shame. Because Merman is totally awesome. Check out his stylish sea vest and aqua-cummerbund!

HEY YORAM, I CAN'T SEE FUCK-ALL OUT OF THIS RIP OFF OF A VADER HELMET, BUT FINE I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT. MENAHEM SAYS HE WON'T PAY ME IF I DON'T.

Someone else out there gets it. Masters Of The Universe. The film. There are plenty of laughing points to behold in the mish mash of terror birthed onto the world via the mad geniuses named Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. There's the reedonkadonk glider scenes where Yor: Hunter From The Future almost trumps the film for most scenes involving glued action figures posing as humans, the spectacle that was Billy Barty's disgusting little troll character's sac-like cheeks, Skeletor's flexy skeleton face, Dolph's wonderfully acted lines and his perfect, perfect feathered hair. So much ground to cover. Here's but a taste of its joy. A single sweet blooper deemed worthy of printing to film. Small and silly in the wide scope that this disaster of a movie presents (which the director had the balls to try and dedicate to Jack Kirby), but very nice to see the dude eat his mark. (0:20)