I LEARNED A FACT, NOW I AM SAD.

So, it took me a few minutes to put together the name Koenig being tossed around when the news ticker thing at the bottom of the screen was going on about a lost actor in Vancouver. Then said actor was found dead today and it all clicked. Boner Stabone was a Koenig. Checkov is a Koenig. Eureka. The double shock of learning that all these years, my favorite stereotypical Whop from "Unser Lautes Heim" was all along the spawn of a goofy Star Trek Ensign was mighty. And now he's gone. I leaned something, then got sad for learning. No more learning for me.

See, he likes Pizza.

He like Veetza too.

He stopped praying when he learned it was a suicide.

Maybe a quick round of Left Behind will quiet the demons in your head K-dogg.

And to round it out, a pile of stupid Star Trek YTMNDs, mostly Epic Maneuvers, to help the pain go away. (Looks like they got interstitial ads now....suck)

Geordie Does A Barrel Roll

Way Epic Red Shirt Fail

Worf Does What He Does Best - Fall Down

Geordie Teaches Worf About Muscle Cars

And Now We Dance

DEATH IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES or FIRE CORPSEY TROPEDOES

When you gotta go, go out like Spock did the 1st time. In a decommissioned photon torpedo. Or if you're not into the whole "irradiated dead body fired into space only to resurrected via the Genesis project and forced through creepy accelerated puberty while Christopher Lloyd hunts you down" thing, save them precious post cremation dust motes forever in a sweet Trek themed urn. No joke. I'd save up, but the price is TBD. Luckily, the cat urns are all set to ship. Go get 'em "Fluffy".

However, if you're low on cash or the kwatloo conversion sucks this week, you can simply opt to go out in a fucking cardboard box. The Green solution! (versus being buried in no box at all.) Styled as inappropriately as you wish. A bottle of wine? A hot licks guitar? Your favorite country? Some dolphins? Classy.

TYPO TUEDAY: I ARE BELIVE THIS AM TRUE

TOM HENNING OVREBO' S MAGICAL WORLD OF FANTASIES AND PHANTOMS AND INCHES vs YARDS AND HEAD WAX AND TASTY DRIED FISH

So, this Norwegian ref guy, Ovrebo, has time and time again proven that his grasp on the rules of football are about as solid as mine are regarding international sea freight shipping law. In the last few years or so he's made some super friends all over the world. I started in on his epic fail career during the Euro Cup 2008 when he disallowed a goal for Italy during a match vs Romania due to a very obviously wrong offside call vs one of my favorite spaghetti eatin' football actors Luca Toni. Some nice work there.

From this lofty perch of awesome he moved on to crush Chelsea's run at the Champions league last year by missing ridiculous penalty after obvious penalty and earning a free "never visit the Ivory Coast or you'll end up with a machete in your face" voucher from Drogba and Co. Truly, truly epic work during that game. You figure it would be a career ender.

But, seeing that he could do better, he decided to continue his fab run. To prove he was indeed nonpareil, he picked up where he left off with his "offsides is a rule you can sorta use whenever" stance allowing a Bordeaux goal vs Juventus to stand. He was truly on top of his game!

Then, this past week, he went too far by putting in yet another ref of the year perfomance. An outmatched Fiorentina put up a decent fight AT Munich and was rewarded wth a lovely red card for a total innocuous non-foul.
Minutes later Klose dives in with a friendly stud filled challenge and comes up with a...nothing. Ace reffin' dude. So, Fiorentina weathers what is essentially a 20 minute shootfest denying strike after strike.
Fearing that he might be late to a "krabbelag" he was invited to, he decided to hurry things along and flex his offside knowledge, allowing a pretty darn offsides Klose to drop the ball near the 90th minute or so. So a team that put out a good effort was rewarded with douchebagery. (sure they'll get crushed later on, but still...)
And what happens after all his epic decisions? He says "Awwwww man, my bad. Was that the 1st time you made it into a quarter final round in 30 years? Aw, dude, so sorry." And he keeps his job. So, I can't wait to see him ref South Africa so that he can expand his list of countries he'll never be able to visit without threat of death. Enjoy the pictures of Ovrebo and all his biggest fans below!

LET THERE BE LIGHT! (AS IN MAKING LIGHT OF MAKING MONEY OFF OF FOOLS.)

Terrify your children with this crazy shit!

"No, that's cool Dad, I'll just read in the dark."

Grab JC's junk and flip away!
Each upward flick brings new life to a room!
Whilst a downward press plunges the room in to demon filled darkness!

"Bedtime is great because it's now a terrifying life or death battle for my soul."

Classic crap from back in the day. Pajamas that double as THE ARMOR OF GOD! Nice. Think these folks went out business. I mean, yeah.

"Jeepers, it's like he knows exactly what I'm thinking of doing after Sunday School."

From the pitch: "When was the last time your class saw how 'HOT' God's Word is? Open this authentic-looking 'Bible' and begin to share the scripture for the day as real flames are seen coming from your 'Bible'. This full-size book comes with a battery-operated ignition system. All you supply are the batteries, lighter fluid and composure..."

"Uh, no, really grandma, I'll just stand."

Got nothing to add to this piece of wonderment.

Special thanks to my trapped Frenchie Floridian penpal for today's inspiration.

HEY YORAM, I CAN'T SEE FUCK-ALL OUT OF THIS RIP OFF OF A VADER HELMET, BUT FINE I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT. MENAHEM SAYS HE WON'T PAY ME IF I DON'T.

Someone else out there gets it. Masters Of The Universe. The film. There are plenty of laughing points to behold in the mish mash of terror birthed onto the world via the mad geniuses named Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. There's the reedonkadonk glider scenes where Yor: Hunter From The Future almost trumps the film for most scenes involving glued action figures posing as humans, the spectacle that was Billy Barty's disgusting little troll character's sac-like cheeks, Skeletor's flexy skeleton face, Dolph's wonderfully acted lines and his perfect, perfect feathered hair. So much ground to cover. Here's but a taste of its joy. A single sweet blooper deemed worthy of printing to film. Small and silly in the wide scope that this disaster of a movie presents (which the director had the balls to try and dedicate to Jack Kirby), but very nice to see the dude eat his mark. (0:20)

I SEE YOU PREFER TO WEAR IT SAILOR STYLE

Stumbled on this gem while looking for a leather jacket in an aviator style. I may have typed in Rocketeer or Barn Stormer. Oh man, didn't know it was code. It seems legit, until you scroll down a few pages. Kinda pops out at ya. Please, go visit the site and enjoy whilst you twirl your mustache. Beefy! Leather!

YEAH, IT SNOWED.

Here's some random shots of the snow that crippled/is crippling DC. It's been about a week of straight wind and snow and power outages and internet disruption and no cable and shoveling. Plus there's a crummy time progression showing the storms' accumulation.

When the 1st round of snow was over, I had to dig out the damn garage just to open the door. No sense in wasting away indoors. So I proceeded to disrupt the serene Winter wonderland with 3 hours of hot grinder on metal action in order to strip the paint of my Vespa project. I was a little deafened in one ear for the rest of the night and a little ill, having breathed in too much 40 year old paint dust, despite my mask.

We ventured out for the ingredients of our Sunday gravy during the tail end of the 1st storm. Went into the downtown of our little town, then struck out a mile or so to the closest grocery store in hopes that it was open. Luckily, it was, and making that vat of sauce was the best decision ever. Roads were trashed and plows were few. Everything was bleak and quiet. Snowpocalypse indeed.

Here's the view from what has become my new work from home office. There's like 1.5 feet on the crap on the roof alone. I ain't complaining too hard. Though the joys of being able to work from home faded as I discovered I had no reason to simply ass off all day like the rest of the world. I have shit to do that has to meet a deadline. Except during the many internet outages, wherein I assembled stupid little models.

At this point I cleared off my car completely. It took an hour to dig it out and create a path to move forward. But, persistence paid off. So I went out for a drive, carefully stuffing trashcans in my hard earned spot so no thieving bastards could sneak it. The roads were doable, but people were retarded to the max. Cars with 3 feet of snow still on the roof, cell phone gabbers galore, center of two lane drivers, hell I even saw some daredevil douche on a scooter. I assume he's dead now. But, the point is I cleared off the car and its surrounding area completely. Then the 2nd storm showed up and ruined my cable reception for the Man U game I was hoping they'd lose. Check the car behind me. It's gone.

Anywho, we survived just fine, no big deal. I got tons done. I only regret not owning a sled. But if I had one of those I wouldn't have gotten anything done.

40 IS THE NEW YUM

Yes, please enjoy 40 pancakes.

CAN'T WATCH. CRYING.

Definitely makes my top 10 ever list of MST3Ks.

Thick McRun Huge!

TASTE TEST CHALLENGE

I figured I'd set up a test to see if there was anyone in the Netflix mail room with standards. Someone who simply WOULDN'T ABIDE! But, I see this is not true and I live in a fantasy land. Since the DVDs have defintly shipped out. Suck it Rosebud!

THE ONLY WEBSITE YOU'LL EVER NEED TO SEE. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE BLIND AFTERWARDS.

I used a mirrored shield to view it and thus avoided its Cockatrice-like abilities. Click and be amazed! If you could download just one page on a desert isle, this might be it.

The goggles, they do nothing.