Friday, December 12, 2008


An amazing and titanic feat has occurred without many even knowing it. Sneaky and stealthily, furry bandits have taken over the electric wires of the world. Yes, the internet is full of cats. More so than porn it turns out. I didn't think it could be done, but it has. Pr0n has been dethroned. Just look at the swell pie chart I made today whilst fooling around with Illustrator. It's well researched and scientific. Look at the colors man!

Cats are everywhere and in everything on the intertubes: videos, commercials, flash ads, humor sites, images, urls, servers - everywhere. Theyre riding Roomba robots, shedding, meowing, jumping, yelling, rolling around, in slow motion, sleeping, leaping, in the ceiling, and on the prowl. You can also wear cats on a daily basis on any type of clothing you desire.

This startling discovery became apparent just this week. At a nerd gathering, I was quietly painting some nerdy nerd models. I hear this grating noise coming from some guy's iphone and it turns out to be a YouTube video featuring some horrible yeowing feline - named Burger and Fries. Said video brought forth a fit of laughter from one JPS and made his face red.

I figured it was worth a look. And look I did. There are so many internet cat treasures out there that it would take a lifetime to plumb them all from the depths of the webs. I had to stop myself after the bounty I bring you today because the list was just getting ridiculous. With formal introductions out of the way, I present:


The cat that started my voyage. "Happy birthday! I adopted a cat for you, my worst enemy whom I hate dearly."

This lady bought a digital camera to her fucking cat.

One of the better cat gems that will sadly fade into history sooner than later. Rap Cat.

YouTube is littered (hahahahhaaaomgaha ahh1h1h11!) with cat-tastic disaster fail vids. Cat vs. Ceiling Fan.

Oldie but goodie. Cat vs Wall

Slap this bad boy on and you'll never be teased at school. Home school that is. No wait, you'll get made fun of there too. Here's the dope store where you can purchase it. (and many other nightmare items.)

Animals love to play dress up. Almost as much as their therapy needing owners. Please don't do this to your pet. It should be a form of prosecutable molestation. Check this page for more terror.

Sweater thing from the finest web design I stumbled upon during my searches. Fail only begins to describe it's poor execution.

Dead cats abound on the internets. Mostly stuffed visages of horror that stain the minds of visiting nieces and nephews until their early 30's. No one has answer this wiki question yet, perhaps you can help them out.

This was apparently some sort of real deal thing back in the day (50's?) that some wackjob recreated and then got a vanity plate to bring it all together. I can barely read the article through the tears.

Finally, I leave you with the lord and king of all cat insanity if you ask me. Neuticles. I know what I'm getting a special lady for Christmas. A necklace of cat balls.


Anonymous said...

I acquired this gem several years ago from Chris's sister. I believe their mom had given it to her, for some unknown reason. She was going to throw it away and I couldn't let such delicious goodness end up on the trash heap.

Stuart Spengler said...

I like the Leprechaun cat on the side.

Anonymous said...

That one is my favorite, too.

wordo said...

"A necklace of cat balls."

A shame. Divorced before he was even married.

Rap Cat will never die. They don't have Checkers up here, so no one had seen or heard of Rap Cat in the Great White North. As a public service, I have remedied that situation.

Stuart Spengler said...

I know I have one RapCat commemorative cup, I think I gave the other one to Bishop (as a reward for doing the knife thing).

He also got the least greasy Checker's bag/RapCat jersey with the intention that he would put it on one of his cats.

I don't think that ever happened...

Beezer said...

That's why I got a digital camera. So I could talk to Jerm.

"What a pretty, Jerm."

"Look at Jerm waking up. Aaawwww!"

Haven't I ever shown you those?

Jessica said...

Fuck, Aimee.
I'm dying.

Cat portraiture! That's what I should have gotten into...