Thursday, December 11, 2008

BLANKETS ARE OK, BUT THEY CAN SLIP AND SLIDE.

Having just trudged through some cold shitty rain (Gooood luck Stuart!) on a night which I figured it wouldn't be all that bad out (only to be being proven dead wrong by the barrage of tards and their piss pooooor umbrella usage, cars driving through 4 inch deep drainage back ups on street corners, getting kicked off a broken down train on an exposed platform of course, the soaking of my book through my crummy computer bag [good thing I leave the computer at work] and under dressing in general due to the falsehood of yesterday's 60 degree weather still playing in my head) I'm feeling a bit chill.

So I hit the internet for warmth. Hotmail especially. (See it's hot!) Whilst checking through the always amusing junkmail, I discovered that the market for Snuggie penetration is now TOTAL. What, you don't know what a Snuggie is? Deviant Cyborg Unit, Designation: LOBOT hipped me to this sweet "As seen on TV item" one day afew weeks back. Basically, it's a blanket with arms. Because blanket technology has failed us a species thus far. So you can read in total comfort! Cook in total comfort! Use your laptop without being in a non-state of total comfort! Have session on the Thunder Bucket in total comfort! Etc!


First I got the link from the 'bot in an email. Then I checked out the site. Ha ha, funny stuff. Then every morning I'd see an ad on CNN or FOX and Friends about the things. Act now get two for the price of one! Occasionally I'd see a flash ad for Snuggies while looking up Danish Coffee fetish porn at work. Now, finally, the good folks at Snuggie HQ have penetrated my junk mail. And yes, I clicked "show all content". I guess I have to go buy one or five now.


For what it's worth, the TV commercial is awesome because there is a quick bit that's not on the website that shows the Snuggie family outside surrounding an open fire pit, decked out in red Snuggies. Straight up Pagan cultist style. Awesome. Ozzy would be proud.

DON'T RESIST, SNUGGIE PENETRATION IS TOTAL

7 comments:

Stuart Spengler said...

I thought today's was going to be about cats?

Sad fact, I got my parents Slankets a while back.

I am a bad son.

Ack Ack Ack said...

You are the best son. I'm sure they love their Snuggies. In fact, each day that passes by seems like a great day to nab a pair of Snuggies for myself.

Cats tomorrow.

katherine said...

Stuart, if your parents are as happy as the people in that picture, then you should have no shame.

wordo said...

They look like second-string/special olympics Emperor's Royal Guard to me.

Who knew the way to summon Satan was to roast 666 marshmallows?

I join Stuart in demanding cats.

scot said...

i refuse to buy this poor mans "fleece camp cozy."

Murphy said...

I must confess, several of my office mates and myself marvel at the wonder and stupidity of snuggies every morning as we learn about the newest missing white woman on MSNBC...deviant minds truely do think alike.

I demand cats in snuggies right meow!

Ack Ack Ack said...

"I demand cats in snuggies right meow!"

Murphy wins best comment of December. A gold framed Slayer Placemat Comment Award with certificate of authenticity is on the way.