MRGH. MY HEAD. IT HURTS. COMPUTERBOX VIDEO SCREENS BURNING BRAIN. IT'S TIME TO GET AWESOME. ON TUESDAY.

Know what the world could use on a day like Tuesday? (any Tuesday) This dope, super high end video from DC's finest parody Rock and Roll band - RATTLER! Just what I needed to crush the dull fuzz that's sloshing about in between my ears. At least try and watch up to the point where they play on the Metro (via awesome bluescreen technologies) if bad 80's rock ain't your thang.

>>>>> RATTLER: "PANTY INCINERATOR" <<<<<

KANE VS JASON VS FLAMETHROWER VS SYNTH. WINNER = EVERYONE.

I did a bit on the quad guitar and how dope it was a whiles back. Which is solid f'n fact. However, one of my dedicated Placemaniakz commented, "No way, that's pussy shit. Check out what Kane Roberts did." And like a good investigative interweber, I did.

It's true, this Kane fella went off the deep end and created the most craziest six string monstrosity to date. His guitar creation and self-titled LP was all about merging the dude's most favoritest nine things. These being (in no special order) Guitars, Automatic weapons, "Fuck off" Scopes, Kettenkrad repair, Flamethrowers, Weight-lifting, Spandex, Slighty upsidedown crosses, and Police evasion.

With such hits as "Too Much (for Anyone to Touch)" and "A Strong Arm Needs a Stronger Heart" I'm sure it's a great album. You can judge it for yourself if you wish on this sketchy music pirate-tastic Spanish language Heavy Metal site. (South/Central American folks fucking love heavy metal) I've included both the original and enhanced version of the LP cover for your perusal. As luck would have it, I picked this up over the weekend on a record hunting trip with JP. Excellence. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

I thought I had reached the edge of ridiculousness. Nah. Turns out ridiculousness has no end, like The Simpsons. I present thee, the KEYSWORD. Hokey smokey! It's pretty funny to begin with, but the funny only manages to get funnier, much like a seriously drunken hobo who's fallen onto the Metro's 3rd rail. Turns out the dude behind the Keysword is none other than Ari Lehman.

Who cares? I mean who is that guy anyway? Pop culture fun fact: He was the kid who got to play drowned Jason Voorhees in the 1st Friday The 13th movie. Turns out he loves the rock and the roll and has a ridiculous band fashioned after everyone's fave maniac named "First Jason". Yep. Machetes on stage, gore masks, and songs about machetes. Here's a snippet I lifted from an interview with the guy about the Keysword.

"The KeySword is a key element to the FIRSTJASON sound. I can play on it EXTEMELY fast, and yet it sounds exactly like a crunchy distorted guitar! I attached an analog syth to a 6 foot long Chinese Wooden Sword, put a guitar strap on it, and plug it throug a GK Bass amp with the distortion on.

With Nefarious’ distictly accurate style of playing a five string Bass with a pick, and Amit Cleaver’s amazing groove oriented drumming style, we create a torrentially powerful sound that has a killer groove behind it. It is definitely a Punk/Metal texture, but it has a unique Crystal Lake flow."

Ludicrous Speed achieved. Check his site for sweet mp3's, videos and all the rest. Or you could just hit this link to have a listen to the super mega hit "Machete is my Friend". Or the rasta-esque stylings' of "You Better Run".

Advice: Stay in the lake dude.

SPENGY'S MET HIS MATCH. OR MAYBE HE SHOULD MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO AND LEARN AT THE HANDS OF THE TRUE MASTER.

Everyone's favorite face-folder and balancer of objects has met his new lord. So you can balance a bunch of D6s and a spoon on top of JP's slumbering form? So what Stu. This dude has a pact with the devil or something. These rock balancing images are "off the chain" as the kids say. The GUI for his web page is even revolutionary, I mean "Home Page" is soooooo 1992. "First Page" is where it's at mofo.

>>>>>CHECK HIS SKILLZ OUT<<<<<

I found this on his wacky chunk of internetz as well.
Finally, I now know just what to get that special "stacker" in my life.
Ruk Shuk.

GERMANS FOR MURPHY! PLUS SOME GERMAN RELATED YTMND!

I'm your stupid happy clown and if you demand it, I'll try and dance it.

So, here's a look at the gooftastic WWII German super car.

SCHWIMMWAGEN!!!!! JA IST SO MUCH FUNNNNN!

Plus, Dio and Jagdtiger =
>>>>>INTERWEB LINKO<<<<<

I PICK APART THE ALL NEW STAR TREK TRAILER IN THE LONGEST MOST SPINE TINGLING MOST PHOTO-RIFIC-TASTA-DUBIOUS POST OF 2008

OK, so a crummy YouTube verison of the new Star Trek trailer was out there over the weekend as it was bundled with the latest 007 movie. I missed out on that. But I checked out the bootleg version this morning. Then the HD version went up at a specified time (though their site blew up and said I still had to wait a day, hooray nerds!) for me to check out. The benefit is that you can go frame by frame and pick the bastard apart. So I did. Overall, I'm still totally stoked on the thing. But I fear for the direction my beloved Romulans are heading. But what do I know!

00:08 - Sweet Stingray with it's top up.

00:12 - Sweet Stingray with it's top magically down. Oops.

00:21 - Space shoes! To the max!

00:39 - Space Robot Cop. My favorite robot friend hopes that this is in fact a human with some sorta cyborg face mask. Otherwise, there goes the whole Data is the only sentient human made android thing.

00:58 1st instance of ship porn. Enterprise being built in drydock. Not sure how that works with low orbit type stuff, I didn't think these vessels could enter earth's atmosphere. Again, what do I know.

01:06 - Oh Wynonna. Givin' Sarek some sugar.

01:08 - Spock in his 1st day of school clothes/comfy Cosby sweater.

01:09 - Teleportation stuff goes round and round instead of up and down.
It's new damn it!

01:18 - USS Kelvin going in for it's beating vs some sorta weird organic looking ship.
(please, please, please, please don't be Romulan)

01:21 - Eric Bana as evil tattoo dude. He's Romulan. Hopefully he's some sorta splinter group or pirate Romulan. Because he's too biker tough for my taste. But, above him is a now familiar weird tentacle thing in that observation bubble. Which means the organic ship is probably his. Sadness in pants growing.

01:22 - It's nice to see that Under Armour made it to the future. Mmmm snug.

01:25 - Some super drill thing boring into a planet. Planet Vulcan?
The drill do-dah is awfully tentacle-like...

01:29 - This could be a Roumlan shippy thing.
Early Romulans were weird and had strange shit going on in the aft hull.
Like this whirly-gig critter.

01:30 - Kirk hides under Spock's bed during a surprise visit from Bones.

01:33 - Sulu is all sorts of pissed about Prop 8.
Here we see the continuation of the dirty biker Romulan theme.
Give this goon ridge plates and he's practically Klingon. Booooooo.

01:34 - More super drill stuff. Now it's on fire!
It's attached to some sorta sky rig as Bana prepares to stomp Kirk.

01:36 - It's official. Romulans are dirty leather bikers. Just like Klingons!
I can still hope that they are some sort of fringe group.

01:38 - Meet the guaranteed action figure! Roar! Scary!

01:39 - Another look at the organic tentacle ship messing up the Kelvin.

01:41 - Tentacled ship thing coming from/going to warp.
If it wasn't supposed to be Romulan I'd be more stoked.

01:41 - More tentaclular fun. A bit clearer.

01:45 - This last shot of the Kelvin shows a tiny green powered (Romulan) attack craft strafing the phaser pods and generally wrecking shit. From what I'm seeing, space combat is more about tiny attack craft swarms than cruisers going at it.

Overall: I have a boner. But, it is slightly deflated by the fact that they seem to have "reimagined" my favorite Star Trek race in a totally 180 fashion. These guys look like frigin' Klingons and have strange organic ships. I WANT FUCKING BIRDS OF PREY DAMN IT.

GAUNTLET WAS TOTALLY AWESOME, SO WAS BEING TWELVE AND HAVING LOTS OF QUARTERS

Gauntlet in the arcade was pretty dope. (The home version on the NES shown on the TV here, not so much.) Kill stuff in a top-down dungeon with four of your friends. Heck yeah! (It also spawned some nerd references that you may hear some lame nerd say at some lame nerd party.) I mean look at dude shown here. He's positively stoked! From this photo of the happy, slappy, red-headed nerd shown above, it looks like the Elf never managed to shoot the food in his household, nor does this fiery haired barbarian appear to need food badly. It was a obviously a very merry Christmas for everyone's favorite Harkonnen that year.

I grew up pretty much in love with stupid video games. Going to Spaceport (the totally rad, dark, dank, and scary arcade that used to exist at the mall) with 5 bones in quarters rattlin' in the pocket of my faux Jams was the shit. Then there were the home systems, which I played to death. To death. I dreamed in videogame. This love affair continued for years, through college to present. Sitting down and having day become night, then night turn to day (just like in Simon's Quest!) was not uncommon. I spent a whole winter session in college playing the sweet bejeebus out of Doom and Doom II whilst earning myself cavitites at the hands of roll upon roll of Sprees. Then I started getting all lame and old and motion sickness began to set in during certain games. Nowadays it's pretty rough to play any type of 1st person game. Which sucks, because all the interesting ones seem to be of this genre. Oh well, I'll just have to break out the Dramamine if I wanna try to play Fallout or that new zombie Left 4 Dead game. Stupid brain.

Anyways. I ask: Why did you love/hate Gauntlet?

NEW GUY ON THE BLOCK

Ah, yes, the COMBO BREAKER! I got nothing in terms of post-election follow up. I'm just too damn tired. I'm glad it went the way it did, and now I await some results. In the very least, I do see a lot more unity and less bitterness amongst the people in DC. Or at least it appears that way for now. Time will tell. Anyways, my favorite Harkonnen sent this image along, and I thought it was amusing. So, there's today's funny, along with a long overdue YTMND of the week (staring Glen Danzig!) which you can find a link to below.

>>>>> INTERWEB PASS TO ADVENTURE <<<<<

WWII NERD SHIT ALERT

Nerd alert! The shitty one-man mail order operation finally sent me my damn German dry transfers. For 8 bucks in shipping, you think they coulda gotten the three sheets of fucking paper across the USA in under three weeks. But well...yeah. So I spent the evening cursing my sausage-like fingers, lining up turret numbers, and rubbing Baltic Crosses on lil' vehicles. Looking now, I totally forgot to add the MG 42s onto the Hanomags. For scale purposes, the tiny dudes are glued onto pennies. Command Sdkfz 251/10 and Late War Panzergrenadier Platoon Command above.

Sdkfz 251/1 and Panzergrenadier Squad 1 with Panzerschreck above.

Sdkfz 251/1 and Panzergrenadier Squad 2.

Sdkfz 251/1 and Panzergrenadier Squad 3.

Hetzer Tank Destroyer and an Alt-WWII German Walking Tank type thing I bashed toghether from a Maschinen Krieger model and spare tank bits. I'd like to do a few more.

PUNK, LIKE JOHN MCCAIN, IS DEAD

What's more punx than a Hot Topic gift certificate and a faux-hawk? Being pals with Johnny Ramone's wife and lumping the words punk rock and conservative into the same sentence. Here's a sweet deep link to the exact spot of the offense committed by Meghan McCain within a YouTube video. (thanks for the code tip fatty boom batty!)

>>>>> AWESOME-VISION <<<<<

Nice try. I wish Johnny Ramone could come back to life and zombify lil' miss McCain. Hold on. Doesn't this basically mean that John McCain is an Anarchist by association? WIN! Thank you Fox and Friends. You once again do not fail to amuse. (Seriously, I watch it every morning in my Charlie Pants because it's an easy way to start the day with a smile)

Also, if you want to delve into something dark and dreary, check out the blog mentioned at the end of the video. Here's a special spot to a video entitled "Girl Power: The Video" on the blog where good ol' Piper pipes in with some more kiddie cuteness using her adowrable widdle vampire fang teef.

>>>>> I FELL AND BROKE MY TOOFS <<<<<