Monday, November 24, 2008

KANE VS JASON VS FLAMETHROWER VS SYNTH. WINNER = EVERYONE.

I did a bit on the quad guitar and how dope it was a whiles back. Which is solid f'n fact. However, one of my dedicated Placemaniakz commented, "No way, that's pussy shit. Check out what Kane Roberts did." And like a good investigative interweber, I did.

It's true, this Kane fella went off the deep end and created the most craziest six string monstrosity to date. His guitar creation and self-titled LP was all about merging the dude's most favoritest nine things. These being (in no special order) Guitars, Automatic weapons, "Fuck off" Scopes, Kettenkrad repair, Flamethrowers, Weight-lifting, Spandex, Slighty upsidedown crosses, and Police evasion.

With such hits as "Too Much (for Anyone to Touch)" and "A Strong Arm Needs a Stronger Heart" I'm sure it's a great album. You can judge it for yourself if you wish on this sketchy music pirate-tastic Spanish language Heavy Metal site. (South/Central American folks fucking love heavy metal) I've included both the original and enhanced version of the LP cover for your perusal. As luck would have it, I picked this up over the weekend on a record hunting trip with JP. Excellence. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

I thought I had reached the edge of ridiculousness. Nah. Turns out ridiculousness has no end, like The Simpsons. I present thee, the KEYSWORD. Hokey smokey! It's pretty funny to begin with, but the funny only manages to get funnier, much like a seriously drunken hobo who's fallen onto the Metro's 3rd rail. Turns out the dude behind the Keysword is none other than Ari Lehman.

Who cares? I mean who is that guy anyway? Pop culture fun fact: He was the kid who got to play drowned Jason Voorhees in the 1st Friday The 13th movie. Turns out he loves the rock and the roll and has a ridiculous band fashioned after everyone's fave maniac named "First Jason". Yep. Machetes on stage, gore masks, and songs about machetes. Here's a snippet I lifted from an interview with the guy about the Keysword.

"The KeySword is a key element to the FIRSTJASON sound. I can play on it EXTEMELY fast, and yet it sounds exactly like a crunchy distorted guitar! I attached an analog syth to a 6 foot long Chinese Wooden Sword, put a guitar strap on it, and plug it throug a GK Bass amp with the distortion on.

With Nefarious’ distictly accurate style of playing a five string Bass with a pick, and Amit Cleaver’s amazing groove oriented drumming style, we create a torrentially powerful sound that has a killer groove behind it. It is definitely a Punk/Metal texture, but it has a unique Crystal Lake flow."

Ludicrous Speed achieved. Check his site for sweet mp3's, videos and all the rest. Or you could just hit this link to have a listen to the super mega hit "Machete is my Friend". Or the rasta-esque stylings' of "You Better Run".

Advice: Stay in the lake dude.

33 comments:

rick smith said...

redonkulous.

rick smith said...

PS - face close-ups are the best! remember Hobbit close-ups?

Stuart Spengler said...

Man, what would you do without me for content?

I suggest for future posts; face-folding, that one douche from Amarillo Design Bureau, Adam (that post was easy), the general madness that is Star Trek ship minis grid insanity, The WALL, and kittens.

There you go.

Stuart Spengler said...

For what it worth, I first encountered our buddy Kane on Metal Inquisition.

http://metalinquisition.blogspot.com/2008/07/kane-roberts-renaissance-man.html

There is one dude on there that talks about how he and his brother were super-into the metal back in the day when they were living in Not America and didn't even speak english. That is the true power of metal! (Has Buyaki seen this?)

I wonder what the dude from Body Count has to say about the Keysword (I can't believe I just typed that...). Maybe they could compare hockey-mask-wearing performance tips or something.

Then there is some hippy out there that makes guitars out of real AK-47s and gives them to people like the Dalai Lama and Sean Lennon. Why couldn't someone like Peter Steel or Steve Austin (from Today is the Day, not 'Stone Cold') have received one? They would get far more use out of one.

Stuart Spengler said...

Turns out D-Roc The Executioner is dead, so no tips to be had, or sweet double bills.

Other than Ice-T, it seems like everyone in Body Count is dead.

Stuart Spengler said...

...Aaand crazy hippie gun-taur.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escopetarra

Yep.

Dibs on the MG42 bass.

rick smith said...

You must be bored Stuart.

Cohen the Cutler said...

The key sword makes perfect sense to me.

Chris Horse said...

I don't get it.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Seriously Crazee Co-dog, don't just slap random crap that only you would find amusing up here.

That's my job.

Start your own blog for crazyperson knife filled youtube videos.

Jessica said...

All roads lead back to Friday the 13th...

Stuart Spengler said...

Give it long enough and you can find six degrees to ANYTHING.

Cthuloid Cohen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
rick smith said...

What is with that video Curren? It makes me feel uncomfortable...like the uncomfortable you feel when you're in High School study hall and unfortunately the only open chair left was next to the creepy kid that smelled kinda funny and always flipped through knife and hand gun catalogs.

rick smith said...

...

(damn simultaneous comment posting!)

Cohenlok 2068 said...

Heh. My whole purpose is to make you less comfortable Lobot. THE MACHINES WILL NOT WIN! I've seen Terminator too many times to fall for your synthetic tricks.

rick smith said...

So you WERE that kid in High School!

Ack Ack Ack said...

FAIL PT. 2.

Try harder.

The Deletions have begun!

Cut-Up Hands Cohen said...

Nah. I was the kid who went home and played with the knives not the one who just looked at them in the catalogs. Get out of my brain you filthy cyborg freak!

Stuart Spengler said...

Who wants to see the gun show?

*flexes*

Trust me, it is awesome in real life.

Chris Horse said...

It's no fun if you can't see what's being deleted. Why does Ty get to have all the fun?

Personally, I want a keyboard guitar. I'd rock it like Mr. Mister or Steve Winwood.

There totally needs to be a Keyboard Hero game.

readwright said...

That's not a keysword, a keysword is something a Hobbit needs to defeat the dragon-spider. At least it should be. This should be called a keychete or macheteboard.

rick smith said...

"Personally, I want a keyboard guitar. I'd rock it like Mr. Mister or Steve Winwood."

I love and miss you Chris.

Murphy said...

Alles, das ich sagen kann, ist dieses Gewinde könnte mehr Deutsche oder mindestens einige verfluchte Österreicher verwenden.
Zur Hölle mit Messern und Tastaturen!

Murphy said...

Shit I conjugated wrong!!!

Ack Ack Ack said...

Babelfish sez:

Everything, which I can say, is this thread could more German or at least some cursed Austrians to use. To hell with measurers and keyboards!

rick smith said...

Haha...wow. Epic.

Stuart Spengler said...

I am surprised the 'gurnch' guitar hasn't been made yet.

Murphy said...

huh, seems I got it closer then I thought...not sure about the measures part, I meant that to be knives, I think I added an xtra N.

Chris Horse said...

Eich ein my sackh, swanzlucher!!!

Chris Horse said...

The german, it is rusty.

Stuart Spengler said...

...so says the redhead.

rick smith said...

Hahaha...Go-Go stupid!