Tuesday, December 8, 2009

RIDICULOUS IDEAS THAT I'VE MOCKED PRIVATELY IN MY HEAD (THAT'S HOW IT WORKS) AS COMPLETELY STUPID ARE REAL AND NOW SOMEONE MAKES MONEY OFF OF IT.

So, when I sit there and watch rotten films like this Rothrock gem (generally on a Tuesday night), my mind tends to retard a bit. Stupid ideas populate the mind, but are discarded. Because they are a bit off or just plain wrong.

Here, you try. Check the blow by blow, then watch the full scene below and take in every tasty battle cry - and see if it works for your brain.

Now, after all that, I'm sure you may have thought it'd be a great idea to put dogs in a sleeved blanket, or attach a fan to high powered halogens and have Mr. T be the spokesperson, or sell used girl's panties in vending machines, or have Steven Segal develop an energy drink, or simply name such a drink Cocaine. But no, you shelved those thoughts.

Welllllll some Urologist in Florida, (yes Florida - where else does shit like this bloom?) thought it'd be great if he didn't have to work anymore or hear about people's wang problems so that he could watch Roger Corman films all day. Instead folks would pay him for some ridiculous product. More than he likely conjured this up while watching Nightbeast (which had some amazing lazzzer scenes by the way) or some crap. So, he developed the UroClub. It's the 5 Iron that you pee into. Complete with discreet junk towel.

Watch the commercial and allow you mind to just drift away. You can actually hear your brain close a door and walk down some stairs deep within your psyche as it up and leaves you. Below I leave you with a final, puzzling image of the Urologist in question who now lives off this pee filled garbage. It's unknown why there are 4 Photoshopped shots of himself in various degrees of distress. Thoughts are welcome.

23 comments:

Chris Horse said...

Cari had a similar invention, it was an empty 7-11 Big Gulp cup rolling around in the back seat of the car. Never failed on any roadtrip.

Ack Ack Ack said...

You're a big gulp.

readwright said...

I'm glad to hear that Bad Movie Tuesday is still in effect. Though it's just not the same when the movies aren't viewed on my 13" TV (color) that I bought from BEST on 202 with Christmas and birthday money when I was twelve.

"It tastes like a fireball, a carbonated atomic fireball!"

Ack Ack Ack said...

Fucking BEST. The printed catalog adventure that you get to live! Sorta like a physical eBay store, but with more conveyor belts.

Crap film sullying plasma TVs pleases me.

saffrons12 said...

You got me thinking about the WORST fight scene of all-time... This might actually be it. Be warned, "it's intense"!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1eFdUSnaQM

Coach Cohen said...

How dare you sully the Gorn on this blog which lives for his glory. The Kirk doublefist-chop is descending upon you for your blasphemy.

The fight in the subject of this posting is missing the knife-licking action in the pictures and is, as is said, most crucial.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Booooooo! I'm on to you Frenchie! The LEGENDARY Gorn fight scene pops up after you watch the crappy YouTube movie I embedded as a related suggestion! Booooo!

Speak no ill of the Gorn-Kirk battle to the death! Shit is Epic! It ends with a diamond blasting shotgun made from intergalactic bamboo!

Chris Horse said...

In reference to above comment:

Holy fuck that is an environmentally friendly weapon.

Kirk IS a god.

rick smith said...

Wait. I think saffrons12 meant to use all caps on the word "BEST" instead of "WORST". A simple typo, right? Because nothing else can be used to describe the Kirk/Gorn fight scene. Ever.

(You know I'm passionate about this. I took the extra time to use HTML tags and proof read it.)

Ack Ack Ack said...

+1®

saffrons12 said...

To all you haters... suck on this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccF50ssJKVA

Will said...

I'm as big a fan of Kirk as the next guy, but let's face it, his karate is lazy. The Skype "ninja" emoticon shows more heart than Kirk any day of the week.

And as for the double-fisted-hammer-chop, that's a classic fourth grade playground move that can only be followed by running away in shame.

For my money, German wheelchair guy from that last clip is clearly the toughest kid on the block.

saffrons12 said...

To that last dude who posted: I like you.

Ack Ack Ack said...

QUAD -1® LAZER

Will posts for the 1st time in internet fucking history and it's to SLANDER THE KIRK DOUBLE AXE HAMMER? BLASPHEMY! LAZY SPACE KARATE BEFUDDLES THE ENEMY. WHO ARE YOU! (I'm pointing at you and making the Body Snatcher noise.)

Coach Cohen said...

@ Will: You sicken me sir. I revoke your Dragon Turtle fishing license. Good to see you post on this newfangled method of communication though.

@Saffron: I see your video and raise you this.

Jessica said...

How is this comment thread not about the fact that HOLY SHIT SOMEONE INVENTED A GOLF-CLUB PEE POLE?

saffrons12 said...

Coach Cohen. I concede. The Crippled Masters is quite epic. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed that immensely. Kirk is still a lame-o. This classy lady could take him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kV59_if9vTw

Chris Horse said...

This thread has almost gone epic.

Coach Cohen said...

I've found some more experts.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Grandma MP40 makes up for all your earlier crimes against Kirk. But then, then, you go right out and do some more crime. Do the crime, do the time. Retaliation will will swift and just. When I get time. To undo your crime.

GoGo is still a big gulp.

rick smith said...

I don't understand the profound Kirk hate. Soon you'll be telling us that Spock mentally stunted. We will have to throw down at that point.

saffrons12 said...

To make amends and atone for said crimes; here is the best video in my arsenal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHygoVCV-rY

Chris Horse said...

Wait, dude liked the blade.

THAT WAS THE ERA OF aids!!!!!

DUDE HAS aids!!!!

aids!!!!