Wednesday, December 2, 2009


What have I done?

When a film ends on the Netflix freebie streaming player a screen pops up that feels just like end of an old NES game. Ya know, the crummy one screen ending you're rewarded with after hours of playing that features maybe a new graphic or a flashing bunch of colors with a single line of text displaying "You are win, let's challenge the stage again !!". Such was the case with Time Barbarians.
I'm huge and buttery!

Barbarian dudes, seriously effeminate evil barbarian dudes, a glowing bunch of rocks named Moltor or some shit, a severed hand, people's barbarian names changing (Gronkor, no wait Griftor, or was it Kogor?) all over the place, and a sword that teleports to LA when necessary. The sword and sorcery genre is almost impossible to do right. It's just so goofy. And when you consistently star muscled up acting tour de forces from American Gladiators, it only amplifies your chance of failure.
Over The Top II?

Speaking of failure, I was greeting by nightmare in miniature form once more the other day. During some research on ancient lead filled GW miniatures to sell on eBay I found a true chamber of model horror. Our topless friend below is but a taste of the bad taste to behold. Dare ye clicketh here?
So, I pose this dual question to all 3 of you out there. What is the most disappointing video game ending you've experienced and please locate even worstest naked miniatures from the internets to scoff at. Scavenger hunt!


Murphy said...

Aren't those screen stills from Beastmaster 2?

Ack Ack Ack said...

No way. That beefy man is certain not the legendary Marc Singer. The guy is freakin' "Malibu" from American Gladiators.

This crappy movie actually came out before Beastmaster 2 decided to do the same basic thing one year later.

Chris Horse said...

What really sucked were Atari 2600 games that had no ending.

They just kept getting faster and faster until you snapped your joystick in half.

Which was strange (but welcome) training for teenage years.

Just what diabolical mind made the Atari?

Chris Horse said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Agreed with Horse...Miner 2049er's super twitchy terror of the final stages sent you right back to stage one with slightly faster radioactive beasties.

With nerve endings already beaver chewed and sweat grip losing muscular control of the joystick...they had the audacity to raise the ante.

It destroyed the will to continue. Dreams of being reunited with our Great Gummy Cousins were soon after destroyed, leaving nothing to look forward to in life.

Dot said...

I am torn, between this lovely display:

or Mike McVey telling me to underhighlight boobs:
(scroll down)

Crappiest game ending... ummm... as you all know, my console gaming doesn't extend very far back, so's I'd have to go with...ummm...

pc; Leisure Suit Larry, how I got my parents to buy this for me I have no idea.

Console: Most Frustration - Mechwarrior, followed by ZOE