Tuesday, March 24, 2009

HOW DO YOU CAN GET CHILDRENED!

I'm not even sure how this happened to me today. But it did. I was having some Dr. Moreau thoughts on the way into work and acted upon them. In an online fashion. (less mess) There's loads of baby maker type programs out there. Most of them you download to your machine and muck with the settings until you achieve the super baby that you want to come out of your child hole. But that's no fun, and mostly sad.

Instead there's a few online baby maker do-dahs that run the gambit from stupid to serious. So, I set out to test the three I dug up using the most virulent and powerful genetic material I could think of in 2 seconds. I chose Ann Coulter (her second asshole still functions as a baby incubator) and Sloth (his will is STRONG). Now, see what these specimens have produced in the online breeding pens! (besides a sticky Baby Ruth and manjuice mess!)

First up was the Volkswagon Babymaker 3000. It's way high tech and spits out a cooing virtual baby that follows your pointer around from it's safety car seat and generally looks uber creepy. But not nightmarish. Which is what I'd expect from this paring. Perhaps Ann Coulter's secondary asshole is just too powerful? Maybe her asswomb can not be defeated? Even if the sperm in question comes from the extra eager mongoloid superstar known as Sloth. Bah, no fun. Onwards.

Make me Babies has a looser interface and mostly produces the kind of fearful beasts I desire. However, it still seems to just jam some of your selected parental features onto pre-stored baby pictures and delivers a mutant that is just "off" enough to be guaranteed a lifetime job at the MVA in Glen Burnie.

Not sure why I kept getting freaking Santa hats for my creations though. The choice of a baby frame is overall a nice touch that adds hilarity value. Especially since it highlights the pictures you used to make your monster.

Lastly, there's a few template baby makers that are interchangeably used to promote baby related movies. Knocked Up and Baby Mama are the two I movie ones I hit. Heck, even Maury Povich has one out there. Anyways, Baby Mama was the one that actually worked. Unfortunately it's filled with fucking sound effects and ads and trailers - just mute it. You pay for quality I guess. BECAUSE this bad boy gets the job done right! Here are the sloughing childspawn of foretold nightmare legend!

Behold! ANNOTHSLUR and ZAGSLOTHCOULTER live! So, go forth and make your own mutant creatures! Most makers provide links to where your lil' deviant lives on the intarwebs, so you can share the joy. Best baby sent in wins a sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet prize.

5 comments:

Chris Horse said...

Hmm seeing as how you already used Sloth, it's going to be hard to compete.

Rigged!

Riggs?

I'm too old for this shit.

Wordo said...

...and coffee goes out the nose.

Well done, Ty.

How about Palpatine and Janet Reno? The vaunted Baby Mama site wouldn't process that unholy union.

Murphy said...

Ty, I put both our pictures in...and out came a photo of JPS!

Ack Ack Ack said...

Wordo: Try harder! It'll work!

GoGo: Nice devolve to a LW reference!

Murphy: I'm so proud of our son!

Fiend Without A Face said...

I would fold the fuck out of some baby faces.

Need to try and get all interspecies on that shit and throw in a picture of a camel spider or a snakehead to see if the website is paying attention. Burn victim photos might be a good place to start as well.