Thursday, March 12, 2009

AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT PRICE INCREASE and JOIN THE "RECENT" INTERNET AGE YOU FUCKING LUDDITES

Hi, I run some, mostly unheard of miniatures company. Most likely from my 'carport' where I keep spare stock in the 'boot'. I live in England, so obviously the internet is a strange and whimsical place where design and function often cease to exist due to fairy and unicorn interference. I use olde tyme webz terminology like:
"Click on the following links to 'jump'
to these 1:1200 ACW related headings."
This kind of amazing 'jump' technology helps you explore my crazy person website maze. Also, since the cost of free digital images is so costly, I choose not to include images of the models I sell. It's more fun to get a surprise in the post! Don't you agree? But I do include some really faint and jaggy diagrams to help you along, so worry not.


Well, now I come to the important part of my missive. See, I've been operating for years selling tiny historical ships and men getting a sale here and there. It's a nice side hobby I suppose. But, it seems the time has come for a 10% price increase to reflect the growing cost of materials. This has NOTHING to do with the world's largest manufacturer of tabletop games (I believe the fellows go by Games Workshop or some such) recently releasing a Trafalgar ruleset that features my ships in the book heavily as well as 'jumping' out from their site to mine. No sir, this purely coincidental. But it should keep me in Bacon Buddies for a bit!

Furthermore, instead of me actually adjusting the prices on my excellent website, which I believe can't be done with current technology, simply add 10% on top of whatever you plan to buy. Easy! Then when you have your prices adjusted, factor in the package and posting for England's crack fleet of wondrous auto-gyro flying machines. For you yanks please add another 30% (including the previous 10%), UK add 10% and EU add 20%. See simple. Now that you have an inflated total of around 20-40%, finishing your order is a breeze!

There are a bevy of options available. The preferred method of course is to simply mail us a letter with money in it. If you don't trusty your cheeky postman, then get on the blower and give us a ring. Fab! But we do realize in this age of 'dotcoms' and 'browsers' that we should offer up an alternate method to you folks. That's why we are pleased to offer you Secure Ordering (of a sort). We suggest if you fear identity theft, which is absurd really, simply send a few different emails of a few days with your credit card infos and we'll piece them together, then send your order out. Huzzah!

12 comments:

readwright said...

Bacon Buddies are delicous.

Whitewang63 said...

What is a bacon buddy?

Cohen the Knowing said...

They are balls of fat and grease on slices of fat and grease coated pastry bread with butter. Usually they are vended from carts on street corners near industrial buildings from 5 am to 10 am in the morning. Each one comes with a roll of paper towels, paper bag, and instruction to the nearest GP.

Chris Horse said...

Nerd rage over toy soldier pricing never gets old.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Not so much rage at pricing - though it is bullshit in this case - as it is rage versus fucking incompetence.

Like 60 hours of minimal effort would double these slack fucks' profits. You go through all the trouble of creating tiny assed boats which are mega detailed, then you don't show off any of the details.

Maddening.

That said, I really don't care about these boats so much. Lobot turned me onto some ACW Ironclads by some company who graciously took photos of their fucking models, and they are dope.

Jessica said...

That site is an F- all right,
And as a former middle school teacher, I know what one of those looks like.

Chris Horse said...

Ty, you forget this is the same business culture that believed the internet would never amount to anything in 1997.

They're still a decade behind the times.

Hell they still probably capitalize all their tags, AND don't close any of them.

$1 says they still use CompuServe for emails and think receiving an AOL install on 3.5 floppy is SMASHING.

readwright said...

Ah yes, the AOL install discs are indeed wondrous, but you cannot forget that treachery abounds! For all we know, this 'ay-ol' company may be thieves of identity, manufacturing their nefarious shiny round objects that so cunningly fit EXACTLY into the tray that opens out of my personal home computer PC. If I place it in my personal home computer PC tray all printed information in my house (phone bills, birthday cards, newspapers, etc) can then be read by the camera-laser-reader that sits just inside the screen. My chosen 'Screen Name' of Sunflowerpeace189 (See, I like sunflowers, and peace, and yellow is like my favorite color and anyway just 'Sunflowerpeace' was taken so Yahoo suggested 'Sunflowerpeace189' and I thought, "Why not?" Because it still shows my personality and my outlook and anyway the first 188 Sunflowerpeace people probably don't love sunflowers or peace or anything like that as much as I do.) will become a password that can be used at Bank Machines, pornography website homepages, and to start Sears Charge cards in my name. Don't be fooled!

Black Gobbo said...

Hi,

Long time reader, first time poster. Ha!

Wordo said...

Is that the great north wind I hear? Captain Canuck can't be far behind.

And look at Go-Go, gettin' all XHTML 'n' shit.

Watch out Ty/Curren/Lobot; the red-headed yak-man is after your jorbs!

Cohen the Computor said...

I do not fear.

Fingers that fat and ginger cannot work keyboards properly.

Chris Horse said...

You'd be surprised and amazed the kind of art and poetry 90% sack can pound out.