THIS WEEK'S YTMND: PICARD SURFS THE NET

>>>>MAGICAL-WEB-O-LINK<<<<

I love these stupid YTMND things. I guess it's part of my penchant for seeing just what today's determined/retarded netizens can jam into 30 seconds. Sorta like the love for Tim and Eric that I possess. I guess. (rhymes!) Anyways, Picard, internet, funnies. Fire back with yer fave of the week.

BEST PART OF THE PRESSIE DEBATE THING BETWEEN SOME DUDES WHO DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER BUT ONE DUDE WAS KINDA GRUMPY AND NEEDED A NAP; THE OTHER, BORED

It's all political BS to the 100th degree. I know. C'mon, 90 minutes is gonna decide the direction of the country? Whatevers. BUT. The best part of the whole thing, seriously - was the grating sound of Jon Jon's Sharpie as he scratched out various notes/drawings to call Obama stupid. It was super audible when the B-dogg was rocking the mic. Made me laugh many times. Best part of the whole thing.

(besides of course the hideously skewed post-coverage of Fox {They never used the words uppity nigger, but they wanted to.} and MSNBC {So verrrrry on the dils-nick of Obama, "slurp".})

SHARPIE '08!

I'D LIKE TO RETURN MY BRAIN NOW. I DON'T REALLY NEED IT NO MORES.

I got nothing to say other than I truly believe America has officially passed the point where the stupids outnumber the average. Idiocracy can't be far off.

FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

It took 32 years of hard work and bribery, but it looks like it has all paid off. Grandma Lucy has finally decided to upgrade me to a full fledged, honest to goodness Grandson this birthday season. I mean, it took about 20 years just to go from "Danny's Kid" to "Friend". Oh, the joy! No more bullshit kiddie table seating outside on the porch in winter! No sir, full servings from a fresh dish of lasagna from here on out - not the mutilated, mushy leavings which remain after the higher ranking family members have had their way with it. Hooray!

WASSAT NOW? HUH?

Ben Kingsley=Ian MacKaye

CONFUSOVISION LINK

Sure. Yeah. Whatever. I don't get it. Gonna go lay down now.

DOWN A WINDING ROAD, JUST DAYDREAMIN'

After reviewing that mostly crummy film "Crazy People" in my mind whilst staring out the window today, I thought how awesome it woulda been to be an TV ad guy back in the 80s. (But not as Dudley Moore, I still want to be me.) Oh, the ridiculous products and toys that were available and NEEDED commercials.

Scenario: It's just another Thursday on the job at Giant Fifites Maxximum Adver-TY-zing 2000 (heck yeah I own the place) and the latest-hottest-richest client wanting to throw money at me prepares to present their pitch to me.

80's Business Dude: "There are these cookies with faces on them and two kinds of creme inside and we have a dark colored cookie too and the faces are totally funny and you won't believe how good it tastes."

80's Me: Fuck yeah, get me some kids, these bodacious cookies you speak of, 5 canisters of laughing gas, and bang (I make the gun fingers motion x2) - "Let's shoot this fucker."

(one free thigh dance for the person who can place the quote I just used to emphasize my film directing prowess in this daydream. [See, I can use this particular quote and think of it as a quote in my head during 1980 whatever because I time traveled to this point in fake history.]{Actually that 's why I'm so successful as an ad guy, because I time traveled and used all the good ideas from the future, like Dip'n Dots and Squagels.}.)

Watch my commercial here. Then, if you're still around and still in control of you bodily functions, view it's less run, but equally effective sister commercial here.

CLUE: This was all just an excuse to post a link to two commercials, which I thought were ridiculous - even as a dumb kid.

KILL FOR THE LOVE OF KILLING

Every once in a while I'll be watching a movie or whatever and something will click in my head after an actor says a line - and BAM! - a Ministry reference happens. You know, like when you watch Full Metal Jacket, and think of the song "Thieves". It's like deja vu.

Anyway, during lunch/work, I was watching a film called "The Violent Years" that got the MST3K treatment. And next thing I know, the entire bit from "So What" is going down. Including the so what refrain itself. Another wee piece of the puzzle falls into place within my brain. Hooray.

(The picture above shows the point where the evil teens says: "So what".)

Here's a youtube clip link. Go to 8:30, where a chunk of the speech was lifted from. Non Ministry fans might simply enjoy the MST3K bit as it was a good episode.

TIM AND ERIC RULE MY FACE

Tim and Eric's Awesome Show Great Job has most consistently elicited out loud fits of laughter from me when compared to the rest of the Adult Swim line-up. The others that I watch/care about have been a bit of let down in spots.

I love the Venture Bros., but this season was pretty hit or miss. I'm sure it'll all come together in the end and I do agree it's a pretty smart program when compared to all the other crap out there. I got faith in those guys. But some of those episodes suuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

Now, I love me some Metal in my old age. But Metalocalypse is just plain painting itself into a corner. The recent songs have been ho-hum and all this world domination backplot stuff is getting stupid. And it may seem dumb, but I miss seeing the opening sequence in it's entirety before each episode. Need some plot? How about a simple friggin' tour for a plotline? Jeeze. Try harder.

Tim and Eric just seem to know what I like. Demented sound clips, ridiculous editing, after school special songs, highlighting the piss poor production of public access tv, and lots of Bob and David spots make me a happy clam. This show is definitely hit or miss throughout the episode, I'll concede that. Some of the crap they do is only funny to them. But when a bit hits, which is a guarantee in every episode, it hits. All I need is 5 seconds of some weird sound clip that they destroy or repeat 30 times and I'm sold. Just thinking about it later brings a smile to my face. Maybe I'm just a simpleton. I've embedded the best intro bit they've done thus far and the undeniable genius that is Pussy Doodles. Yeah.

MY FIRST GERMAN

No, it's not some sorta warped Playskool set. It's just the 1st (of many) German dudes I managed to finally paint up. I been slowly building up a legion of these things for a few years now. They're trimmed, they've been glued down onto pennies (not on Lincoln's face, NEVER on Lincoln's face!), they're basecoated - time to get moving on them. This fella leads some Pz Gren and his interests include flying kites, poetry, and kitten farming. I figured out a pretty simple painting method using inks that should speed them along. I just need to write down the colors I used and the German war machine will be up and running.

IT'S ALL GOGO's FAULT

This dude named Adam Brickley has been backing the Lipstick Pitbull Lady for like over a year now on some blog. It's not so much that that is amazing, it's more his incredible likeness to everyone's favorite flying fat man, GoGo. There's a video clip on Colbert's site where you can watch as the guy even has a lisp like fatty-boom-batty. It's creepy, but amusing. House Harkonnen is already at work...

:>>>>>>> CUNT <<<<<<<:

DRILL! DRILL! DRILL!

DO YOUR PART TO HELP CRUSH THE SWEET EVERLOVING BEJESUS OUT OF INTERNET EXPLORER

I stumbled on this image on some German's picture site that really hates our reigining champion, I mean president. But, we can be heroes. Even the mighty Dubya could be a hero.

Internet Explorer is the bane of the internet and web design in general. It's a dinosaur browser with dinosaur thinking behind it. And it breaks pages or fucks up how stuff should display all the damn time. The reason it has such a massive share of the stupid internet is because it comes installed on every stinkin' PC and 90% of the folks with said PCs don't bother to take the 2 minutes necessary to download a new browser that will not fuck you with a broomstick.

But IE and PC users can't escape Google. (though Microsoft certainly tried) It's in just about every browser window. Just lurkin'. And Google has a browser now, which is pretty much completely targeted at Windows users. Now that Google's browser "Chrome" has hit, maybe the dirty, antiquated, assbackwards, buggy, ugly, hobo smelling bag of monkey shit browser that is Internet Explorer will finally begin it's descent into the 9th circle of browser hell along with it's old friend Netscape.

I just really dislike IE.

If you have a PC and want to contribute to the potential end of IE's undeserved dominance of teh internets, please go check out Chrome. Maybe not today since it just just came out, but in a month or so. Use it in tandem with Firefox and never open IE ever again.