TV CASUALTY

Thanks to Mr. Horse, I now know this awesome/scary factoid.

"A recent study found that at peak times, Netflix represented 20 percent of Internet download traffic in the United States."

To look at this information inline with other trend setting studies, the internet is basically 3 things to Americans. Cats, porn, and reruns of the A-Team. And the way things are going with our useless government elected officials - we are going to have to enjoy it in the form of regulated cats, porn, and reruns of the Incredible Hulk. "Netflix is gettin' too big fer hem thar britches, I reckon.", an inbred Comcast wonders aloud, as it pulls at it's suspenders and chews on a long stem of grass whilst wearing a top hat, "Best slow that down to dial up speeds."

What does this mean? Perhaps we should look to England for advice on how to best spend the twilight years of an aging empire. If so, then we can at least look forward to some superior comedic programming - if our ISPs deem it a good thing.

EVERYTHING AND SHIT'S MAGIC YO. OR: HOW THE FUCK DO MAGNETS WORK?

I am completely ignorant of the Insane Clown Posse. I only learned what a Juggalo was about 2 years ago. I was happy before I knew this term and of them and their goofy world and the redonkadonk number of Juggalos out there. I try to go on with what tattered remnants of a soul that I have left.

Anywho, I hit upon this video by them entitled "Miracles". And I am floored. Upon watching and listening to the heavy, way deep, meaningful, life changing lyrics, I find myself confused. Are they putting for the notion of "Fuck science and shit" or is it "Science can blow me and shit, stuff happens and that's that", or perhaps "Magic is everywhere and science is shitty an' shit"? I have no real clue. It matters not.

Lyrics and deep meaning aside, this video encompasses everything I look for and love in a music video. These being:

A: One completely ridiculous concept.
B: A nonexistent budget.
C: A huge idea that can never be fulfilled by the budget.
D: Dudes in makeup.
E: Eventual space travel.
F: Childbirth allusions.
G: Fuckin' rainbows.
H: Most importantly, instilling a sense of complete confusion in the viewer.

Here are some great quotes and items to look for:

1. "Music is all magic. You can't even hold it. It's just there in the air."
2. "Crows! Ghosts!"
3. The dude's kids in make-up. One of them gives us a coy look that chills me.
4. "Fuckin' rainbows after it rains."
5. Oh man, #5 is so good. So good it gets +51 to it's THAC0.
56. "How the fuck do magnets work?"
7. "I seen shit that'll shock your eyelids"
8. "Pure motha fuckin' magic"
9. Deep thinkin' clown faced guy.

It's worth trolling through the comments on youtube itself. There are some gems. Like "Green screens, how the fuck do they work?!"

Don't feel like watching the whole video? Fine be a quitter and continue to suck. But, please redeem yourself a wee bit and hit this deep link to the finest line in the whole video that comes after all the other good parts:

"Magic everywhere in this bitch."

DOWN A WINDING ROAD, JUST DAYDREAMIN'

After reviewing that mostly crummy film "Crazy People" in my mind whilst staring out the window today, I thought how awesome it woulda been to be an TV ad guy back in the 80s. (But not as Dudley Moore, I still want to be me.) Oh, the ridiculous products and toys that were available and NEEDED commercials.

Scenario: It's just another Thursday on the job at Giant Fifites Maxximum Adver-TY-zing 2000 (heck yeah I own the place) and the latest-hottest-richest client wanting to throw money at me prepares to present their pitch to me.

80's Business Dude: "There are these cookies with faces on them and two kinds of creme inside and we have a dark colored cookie too and the faces are totally funny and you won't believe how good it tastes."

80's Me: Fuck yeah, get me some kids, these bodacious cookies you speak of, 5 canisters of laughing gas, and bang (I make the gun fingers motion x2) - "Let's shoot this fucker."

(one free thigh dance for the person who can place the quote I just used to emphasize my film directing prowess in this daydream. [See, I can use this particular quote and think of it as a quote in my head during 1980 whatever because I time traveled to this point in fake history.]{Actually that 's why I'm so successful as an ad guy, because I time traveled and used all the good ideas from the future, like Dip'n Dots and Squagels.}.)

Watch my commercial here. Then, if you're still around and still in control of you bodily functions, view it's less run, but equally effective sister commercial here.

CLUE: This was all just an excuse to post a link to two commercials, which I thought were ridiculous - even as a dumb kid.