BITZ-N-SCAMMIN'

One of the more amusing (at least to me and other scam-n-flip on eBay folks) aspects of this dork event called Acon is the late night "bits trade". Basically everyone empties out their closet of unwanted junk and tries to either trade for new junk or just straight sell the shit. They take over any empty table space, corner and hallway to create an insane-o gamer fleamarket.

It springs up out of nowhere and throngs of nerds clamor for the best bargain. The haggling is often quite amusing, though it can get dickish pretty quick with the wrong folks. It's a big live action eBay grab fest, but themed to carry some of my favorite dorky models n' things.

The original spirit is still there, though some take it a bit far and essentially open mini-stores. Going so far as to buy big lots from one dude, then walking 10 feet to a new table and selling it at a mark up. All's fair I suppose.

Personally, I love fleamarkets and stuff like this. The sad giddy thrill of overturning some crap pile and unearthing some gem from years past. So I wander about and hope to maybe find a Rogue Trader era Ork in power armor or maybe some goofy ass miniature from when I was younger. And of course the odd rare/valuable bit of lead that can help fund the trip in the first place...

I've one guaranteed compatriot in this venture at this specific convention. He's the Chicago version of myself, down to the name even. Though he is way more vested in this grab and sell adventure than me. And quite good at it too. But, it's always nice to get a call from Chi Ty sayin' there's some ancient stuff I just gots ta check out on the other side of the hall.

So, the end of this long winded missive (phone blog capability is dangerous stuff) is to simply point out that I scored some totally sweet old ass style epic scale Orks, Chaos, and Imperial Titan heads and weapons. Yeah!

- Acon 2011 fun blog edition.

RANDOM DULL TABLE SHOTS AND BORING GAME COMMENTARY

I generally go to Acon to hang out with old pals, be a giant nerd, and play in a Lord of the Rings tournament. As you can see from the grainy photo above, it's blistering excitement. My first day started out great with a super nice dude who was pleasant and fun to roll dice against. He made a few mistakes, but mostly I had some hot dice and a wicked Nazgul chewing dudes up like candy. I was off and running to a fine beginning.

Which soon ended! Next some dude's Fiefdom army pert much crushed my poor little mans. Shot above shows the high hopes my army had for 10 minutes or so. The guy eventually won the event, so at least there's that. The scenario had the worst extra rule bit out of all the rules bits in all the scenarios ever written for this game. A frustrating little 4+ die roll that seems just plain impossible to make. It was out if my reach for sure. And it just went bad after that... Getting slaughtered isn't the funnest thing, but the dice straight abandoned me during this game. I settled in and laughed off the fact that 2 models made it out alive. Such is life!

The next game was a bit more fun and challenging. The kid was unassuming and quiet. Had to laugh when he asked what classes I was taking now. So I asked how old he thought I was, and to keep in mind that I'm old. He pegged me at 23. Har. I'm agin' pretty well playing this Peter Pan bullshit.

But the kid was a straight math killer. And a pilot of some sort, so I guess it makes sense. Dude had his army dialed, the total opposite of my situation given that it was the 3rd time I had ever used my force. It was super fun and light hearted. I even threw in quick lightning round turn at the end so he could get the victory he deserved, even though I coulda called it a game and taken the points. Just a good time had there.

In the end I picked up the one nerdy thing I desired most at this and all such events. Best army. (upside down photo courtesy of exhaustion.) Sure it's not the toughest award to collect in this smaller field of competitors, but I certainly put some effort into earning it. My twisted, humped back stands as proof to the hours I spent in pursuit of this sad sad accolade. Sadly it looks like picking this up on Friday went against winning the same award for the team tournament the next day. Anyway, it was a full 10 hour gaming day preceded by a tiring, restless evening - at the end of this sucker I was pretty drained.

Lucky I had a super sexy manly man to relax with, talk gossip, and trade secrets with later that evening.

- Acon 2011 fun blog edition.

SHOWER FOR FOUR

More ridiculous? Two shower heads as well.

- Acon 2011 fun blog edition.

FORCE WAS REQUIRED or SQUEAKY ANGRY WHEEL GETS THE GREASE PLANE

10 Easy steps to plane travel success.

1: The weather. Plane is late due to stupid Florida. Normally, this is no big deal. I understand the miracle of flight and that tornadoes eat planes.

2: Connect-o-horror. Problem arises when it looks like the connecting flight is gonna leave without me due to the delay. I get called up and the nice lady swaps the connector to one that leaves an hour later at the next airport. Super. Sounds great. Better than waiting 6 hours for the next direct flight.

3: Enter the irony. Plane makes good time, excellentin fact. I check the big board when we land for the connecting gate number. Huzzah! It's 4 hours late (estimated) thus making the original "forget waiting 6 hours" plan look like it would have been a better idea.

4: Circumstance goes for the dick punch. A bit deflated, I scan the board some more. Looks like my original connector was delayed as well- and is currently boarding. A quick run down the airport and I spy the 2 folks I was to meet up with and fly out with. But, I don't have a ticket for this plane. I used to, an hour ago, but now I don't. Yay! So I solemnly turn my back on them.

5: Get in line. I head to the flight desk thing as the plane starts to board. As luck would have it, there is a lovely line full of angry people who want to go to Florida. (no joke) My kind of people! Ugh. I just need to get on the plane that is boarding right now to Chicago.

6. Dickery part one. They start announcing stand-by names for the flight I used to be on. I'm 10 deep in the help line, easy. I begin politely asking these Floridians if I could jump ahead to talk to the lady as you see time is important and that plane over there that is boarding is my target flight and yours isn't slated for another hour or so according to the big board. To which I receive several "nah, I was here first" replies and go fuck yourself stares.

7: Alls fair in dickery and dickery. Another name gets the stand-by call. No one replies. The lady calls out for any other stand-by folks. I leap ahead of the stupid Floridians and several stand-by folks shouting "wait, me" or something thick. Timidity and pleasantry will not win the day, I realize.

8: A plea on deaf ears. I go through the story and show my previous itinerary with the flight number. She looks sad and asks why I didn't come up earlier. I reply that the line was full of assholes who wouldn't let medi such a thing She says sorry, but there are no more seats. The only way one is to get one of those 2 people over there in the tunnel to give up their seat. Ugh. Well, at least it was a chance.

9. Southern fuckatality. I give the story and show my proofs to the lucky 2 and that their seat is in fact logically my seat as neither of them were on this plane originally. Fate has messed with my day and is there any chance you could see ti helping me out? The red headed Southern lady bitch wouldn't sell you a smile. She wasn't having any of it. So I turned to the other dude.

10. A human after all. Ignoring the redheaded lady's "ignoring you" gaze. I ask the business dude. He's cool with it and says no problem, go for it. So at the end of a tunnel of dickish humanity, a compassionate soul. Hooray for humans.

Yum. Pretzels and comics. On a plane.

- Acon 2011 fun blog edition.

OFF TO A GREAT START or FLORIDA, GO TO HELL

Awesome times from the get go! I was hoping to start the Acon fun blog edition off with heartwarming photos of old friends well met. But. Yeah. Weather in my favoritest state of our great union, Florida, is affecting flights all over the board. Instead you get a photo of a giant reptile trying to open doors so that it can better eat cats. It does this because all the homeless people it normally eats tend to carry unbreakable plastic Vodka bottles and makes it sick.


So I sit in the airport and wait and watch the flight delay grow and wave goodbye to my connecting flight and the all good times this time drain is gobbling up. Yay! Florida +1!


See, it's a great place to be. Abuela agrees. (also iPhone wants to turn the word Abuela into Whirls reeeeeeeally badly. ) The only positive, is that this here phone bloggy app is working pretty well.

- Acon 2011 fun blog edition.

TURKISH DELIGHT = FACE CRUSHING

Yes, we have brought the cardbord and tempera.

An oldie, but a goodie. Turkish Star Wars! I was cleaning out some old folders and found some choice screen caps I took ages ago from this chunkfest of a film. (If you have time to kill, and I mean kill, then check it out.) It's a fantastic mishmash of spliced footage and sounds from all sortsa movies, bloodthirsty muppets, jumps to defy imagination, tinfoil, frisbees, and almost no dancing. Google away and you can find the full film out there streaming. I, sadly, actually bought a physical DVD bootleg version with real money. It's around here somewheres...

But, the important thing is that there's is a whole lot of face crushing in this puppy. Even children are not safe from the cranium compression!

Well, feed them sandwiches and see if then un-skeleton.

Oh losers, when will you learn? Let the crushing begin.

Childrened!

I know there's a coin behind your eyes damn it!

SORRY DRIPPY GHOSTS, SHADOWS, AND POLTERGEISTS, YOU ARE OUT OF LUCK (AND DRIPPY)

Shit's biased against incorporeal creatures.

JAPAN, YOU ARE MY HERO

I'm a big fat unabashed lover of Japanese culture, its cinema legends, samurai related history, tasty teas, crazy precise tank model kits, Nintendo stuff, giant monsters, and the just plain wonderful weirdness that comes out of that island nation.

As such, the wreckage of said nation has sat black with me. I'm certainly not Japanese, know no Japanese folks (natives), have no family in Japan or any other ties to that land. I should by all means not be a fan of Japan given that both my grandfathers spend lots of time dodging kamikaze attacks and type 38 Arisaka rounds.

However, it left me sad to see the videos of destruction and hear tales of people being swept away by walls of water. Then I started seeing images of victims with nothing left after the wave, waiting in orderly lines for a cup of water. Or patiently doling out equal cups of soup. Or taking up only a certain amount of space in the shelters. This adherence to fairness is self-imposed as well.

Cops don't have their hands completely full with jackasses jumping lines and bashing TVs onto puppies. It's astounding. Now they're not superbeings without greed, hate or avarice, I know that. But overall the public has responded in a much more civilized manner to such absolute desolation than, say, just about any group of Americans during the dreaded Black Friday sales. It's inspiring in a way.

Now, couple this devastated nation's plight with a pending nuclear catastrophe. What do you get in the news?

Americans buying every single ounce of fucking potassium iodide they can get their goddamn fucking shit hands on. Because people in LA are wondering how this radioactivity will affect them. Christ. Get over yourself America.

So this week's mood has gone from bleakness, then to respect, and now to anger. Woo. Hoo. I think I miss bad movie night more than ever, as it used to ease these things from my brain.

But, at the end of the day, Japan, you are still my hero. (But I think you already knew that.)

THERE'S SOME SORT OF DRONING BACKGROUND NOISE IN MY HEAD or GIGA PUDDI

Are you having a day filled with deep, meaningful thoughts? Currently deep in concentration, attempting PUDDI PUDDI!!! to solve some riddle or puzzle. Or perhaps PUDDI PUDDI!!! you are enjoying a complex piece PUDDI PUDDI!!! of literature PUDDI PUDDI!!! and totally getting what the author intended. You could PUDDI PUDDI!!! even bePUDDI PUDDI!!! contemplating a well thought out film PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! you recently saw.

Well, all that ends now. PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! PUDDI PUDDI!!! GIGA PUDDI!!!

P.S. Imagine JPS in this video and replace custard with flan. Only makes it better.

MY MIND JUST WENT 'PAFF' or BALROGS NEED AIRLINE MILES TOO

Lately I've been passing the time spent painting stupid little models listening to various podcasts. One of which is a college lecture podast on Tolkien's works. As such, I've learned a thing or two. Mainly that I've made an incorrect assumption my entire life. Never thought twice about it. I can take some solace in the fact that this is not entirely all my fault. Essentially, 99% of the artwork and imagery associated with the beastie known as a Balrog is incorrect.

Balrogs don't have fucking wings.

Turns out it's all a misconstrued simile. When the Balrog shows up in Moria, the flame and shadow it exudes is a representation of its power. A shadowy form is wreathed within the flame and darkness like a cloak of sorts. The line:

"His enemy halted again, facing him, and the shadow
about it reached out like two vast wings."

- isn't a hard description. It's a simile. The shadow spreads out, but never became solid, real deal wings. The phenomena stands in juxtaposition to the light Gandalf emits. Ol' G-dogg might have ended up with wings as well if Tolkien had worded it as such! Again:

“It stepped forward slowly onto the bridge, and suddenly
it drew itself up to a great height, and its wings were spread from wall to wall”

Same deal, just spreading out some more. But still no wings as such. Just the Balrog flexing its power. Besides, the Balrog friggin' fell off the bridge when Gandalf busted it - and was scared. When it took the plunge it let out: “a terrible cry,”.

Now I need to go off and realign my brain. I guess I should have trusted the Ted Naismith depictions all along...