NO ONE'S SAFE

No nonononono I see what you did there. Turns out comic book based shows can make make crazee ca$$$$h, and AMC has been making the big networks look bad. So, we'll grab a comic property of our own (Fables) and let it sit forever while we decide whether to do this or not. But wait, said comic is based on public domain figures you say? Hmmm, let's just grab the ideas, slap some LOST writers on it, not pay the original writer, and do this on our own! Hey, we did LOST, remember?

Basically, talent would have to be paid accordingly. Which is so 1960. Sooooo ABC would rather make up their own version (now with shitty LOST Easter Eggs!) of the story with characters that are already public domain than have to pay for any Fables talent. Plus they have complete control to stuff LOST bullshit in there as they please. Here's to riding the LOST train into the ground. Wheeeeeeooooooooo!

I'm hoping/guessing 6 episodes, canceled, and no lesson learned - instead of acknowledging/paying for talent and having something potentially great. Excellent job asshats.

Fuck. You.

When it came time for pops to buy a meat grinder due to dissatisfaction with standard store bought ground beef - he went for the top shelf. The Turbo shelf. The same shelf that now holds his Ferarri wine bottler as well as the STX TURBOFORCE.

MINTY MAD

So another year goes by.

I received a sweet 1st Ed. copy of At The Mountains Of Madness this morning. There's a weird reflection on the cover that makes it look otherwise, but it's like it just came off the printer in '64.

Oh, I breathed it in. Yum.

ON LIFE SUPPORT, BUT ALIVE or I GOT LAZY.

Ha, I'd never forget this tried and true vein of wordsmith grandeur! Here's a new samplin' of trashy wordzzzzz - go:

Oh Saved By The Bell. Not good enough for the Disney Channel, but eventually just fine for the TBS - THE SUPERSTATION. Remember those F'd up schedule times? Everything was on at like 4:05 or 10:10 or some multiple of :05. To make it weirder it was also channel 5 back home.

I ramble with direction(?). Maybe the original incarnation "Good Morning Miss Bliss" didn't stay on the Disney channel due to the director's porn star name. What was with Boner and the 80's. Growing Pains had a friggin' character named Boner. What made it OK to use Boner as nickname? How did he get it? Why didn't we get to see that very special episode crossover with Blossom? Or maybe it was the god awful theme song. Argh.

Anyways, perhaps it was due to a young Urkel Jaleel White being present in the pilot episode. Lawd knows his soon to be un-mind-wipable character was dying to get out of it's skin after that one Oreo commercial. Man they also gave his ass a sweet Isetta to drive around in later seasons if I recall.

I'm going to go swing wooden swords at things while wearing a man dress.

LET'S MAKE TRASH FUN or NIGHTMARES FOR ALL

Here are some creepy ass trashcans from a boardwalk kiddie fun zone type place. They've been there for years and always plagued my sleep a little. Especially the panda, that one's face is all crumpled and looks like it's about to explode.

DO THEY HAVE A UNCF IN CHINA?

This ironical Space Shuttle ladden sidebar ad was flashing on the side of one of my crummy email accounts. I guess kids have to adjust the whole "astronaut!" thing when they answer this well worn question. Lil' dudes should probably start with "learn Chinese!" before they jump to astronaut.

VEGAS. WHY?

Vegas is loud and obnoxious and dumb. Being stuck here an extra pair of days alone is only cementing my dislike for this hole. Staring at a fake Statue of Liberty isn't helping. Or the pool closing at 5. Or the inability to find edible food for under 30 bucks. Ugh. I'll admit some affinity for the downtown old Vegas stuff, with the crazy lights and stuff. But the strip is just, yeech. So, here's just a few snapshots of the reasons why this place sucks so badly.

I dunno, sure.

Sluts love them some Eiffel Tower shaped drinks. Comes in three flavors!

Hunter S Thompson wouldn't need drugs to freak out nowadays.
Shit like this is everywhere.

Bang trucks are everywhere.

Crummy Transformers.

Nightmare clowns with balloons.

MJ and Robot MJ.

Topiary shaped like motorcycles.

Yup.

For after a hard day of slots tournaments.

Rug horror after horror. The tacky design levels are set to kill.

More yuck.

This entire sign is offensive.

Fuck.

Getting dizzy now.

Maniacal slots? Check.

Vampires? Yeah.

I slipped into another dimension for a moment here.

Spelling?

I love gold.

320,000 credits of Romance.

Cherries with pants.

You can't keeps cats out of anything. Same goes for glitter.

THE GREATEST PHOTOGRAPH EVER TAKEN (DIGITALLY)

I don't know who is responsible for it, but it is exemplary.

THE RETURN OF HAROLD AND THE RISE OF JL421 BADONKADONK

Remember Hobo Pete & Harold? Of course you do, you're a loyal Placemaniac. He kept haunting me via pop-up ads wherever I traveled. And he was the subject of a pile of photoshops, bunches of which I have yet to post. (Review the Hobo Pete/Harold Saga here: 0 1 2 3 4)

So anyway, I was stalking Amazon's lesser known regions and came across The Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank. Yes, click the link, I'll wait.

I guess you can sell anything on Amazon. This super neat tank has a comment section that beats the band. But it was seriously lacking something in the customer photos section. So I fixed that. Enter outdated photos of M & 19th Street DC, the Badonkadonk, a dash of Harold - and you get internet magic. Just scroll over a few images on the view all customer images for the full effect. Or hit the image below.

There is a secret, unique pleasure to posting complete bullshit on public sites. I learned everything I know from the Canadian master in this area.

NO, NO, REALLY, IT'S SUBTLE. AND TASTEFUL.

Your right conscious, I've been wasting my life. Painting plastic and metal models for sad sad wargames is a fucking lame. I should instead be catching animals, stuffing them, mounting them on a wall, and then painting beer logos and flaming skeletons onto them. That's some deep respect right there. Had Jesus known about Bud Light or America whilst on the cross, he would have made a mental note to tell pops that all species of sharks and fish need beer logos or flags emblazoned onto their skin.

Give you one guess which state the purveyor of these fine wares resides. Nah, you don't even need one guess. This sums it up nicely.

LATE, BUT MOVING ALONG

I got a late start on garden crap this year, but it's finally starting to show some positive signs of life. Yes, they are but lil' sprouts, but soon they will be delicious.

And the growing season couldn't have started off better. Two weeks of rain soaking hell, then a week of stupid sunny heat death. The results were explosive for late May. Yay!

BAND NAME WIN: SHARKLEGS

Sharklegs' song - Dragon's Bane. They get additional bonus points for singing about dragons. Just listen to the 1st 30 seconds and quit. I think they'd make an excellent opener for Rattler. But on the other hand, no one should have to face the impossible task of opening for Rattler.

EBAY GETS WORSE

Budge. So the powers that be have passed a new decree on how they calculate ebay seller status. Status sets how your stuff ranks in the search. Higher the status, the better chance you have to get plucked into the search results. Besides the search hierarchy being budge in the first place, now the requirements penalize low volume sellers. I have a rather sterling record as a seller, but I didn't sell enough in a yearly period. So my super cool dude status got bumped down a peg. Lame.

Ebay has been on the decline for about 5 years now, especially on the small seller end of things. Sellers have almost no power in disputes, take it in ass if a buyer doesn't want to pay the "unreasonable" (read: actual) shipping costs, and have to prove 6 ways to Sunday that someone might be (read: is) threatening negative feedback to extort cash back. Mega Sellers could give a shit. The volume of stuff covers they churn out buries any blemishes in days.

Don't get me started on the "Buy It Now" fest that the place has become. Auctions? Ha. Double dipping with Paypal? Ha. Final value fee increases? Ha. Some auctions incur more fees than others based on category? Ha. Does it matter that you've been a constant user with an excellent track record for a decade now? Ha. If you don't make us enough money, you can eat it.

GREY AREAS or THIS MALL HAS TOO MANY RULES

What exactly constitutes excessive loitering?

Doesn't the basic definition of loitering involve an excessive qualifier to begin with?

Also, no dirt bike jumps and no dangerous Hoveround races.

This place has too many rules.

THE GUM MUST BE DELICIOUS BY NOW

I wasn't spending the 20 bucks.

No matter how loud Boom Box Bryan was shouting my name inside my head.

TIRED OF THE BALDWIN BROTHERS

Another sweet missive from a robot. (click to read)

Yeah! Junkmail rules!