Tuesday, May 4, 2010


BMX and bikes were so important growing up. Every waking hour out of school was spent on or near a bike if the weather was decent. On the bus I'd read Radical Rick comics. And once I was able to bike to school in 7th grade, the bus could eat my ass. We even went and built a rather large track in the woods with sick jumps and banked curves. Many a scar on my body originates from that track and the stupid tricks attempted with zero practice. Helmets? Whaaaaa?

When the weather was shit, HBO seemed to always to have some excellent schlock on. Back then HBO ruled (that old opening where you go through the model city and blast into space to the HBO logo is probably the greatest thing HBO has ever produced) and had crappy movies on all the time. One year it seemed like the film BMX Bandits was on every friggin' day. I've seen it so many times it hurts.

One of the more confusing aspects of the film to my pre-teen brain was the love triangle in the movie. It got in the way of the shit I wanted to see (jumps and wheelies accentuated with laser noises) and never really resolved itself. They're just pals in the end, but both PJ and Goose (Goooooooose! Noooooo! Gooooose!) totally wanted to hit that prime, BMX toned, Nicole Kidman ass. At the end in the credits, they all win trophies for being BMX masters/funding the construction of a track. How are they going to celebrate and resolve their unfounded desires? Who will Powderpuff choose? No joke, but years later, when I deciphered the dirty meaning of "Chinese Handcuffs", my mind leapt to the BMX Bandit triangle and I knew the answer.

Anyways, to get back on track, much like RAD, the end credits of the film were nothing but BMX porn. RAD was all flatland tricks galore. BMX Bandits was about kicking some ass. Except BMX Bandits had a super rock star song attached to it as well. After watching the credits, we'd be so pumped to go out and do tricks or construct a retardedly huge launch ramp. It all led to the inevitable wreck, followed by loose skin and the picking of rocks out of scrapes. Good times. (you see we ignored the warning that shows up about a minute into the video)



Jessica said...

Loose skin.
There's a sexy image!

rick smith said...

A childhood is not a childhood unless 50% of it was spent digging gravel out of open wounds.

Anonymous said...

Crossups...Tabletops...Endos...*Curb* Endos...Timmy Judge! Get rad!