Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Douchebags go snowboarding. Get on ski lift when they probably shouldn't. Stuck. TERROR! WOLVES! COLD! STUPID! This is a movie. Someone compared it to JAWS. Even in the vaguest, cast off to the side reference, such an utterance is blasphemy. The only relationship I can see is that the film industry has jumped over a certain aquatic critter. I suggest they change the title from Frozen to Fail Lift. Any better ideas?


Coach Cohen said...

Cold Shit in the Air - The Film.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Maybe if it had more Lazer in it I'd care. Like Chopping Mall. So how's about LAZER LIFT, or LAZER BOARDERS, or CHOPPING MALL 2.

readwright said...


I noticed that one of the production companies at the start of the trailer is called 'A Bigger Boat', an obvious reference to 'Jaws'. Annoying already. Then, as you pointed out, it actually says, "Will do for skiing what 'Jaws' did for swimming", so I'm guessing the production company behind this movie is also behind the 'Jaws' quote. This annoys me even more because someone involved in this travesty obviously fancies themselves a 'Jaws' fan, but it would seem they've only seen the crapalicious sequels and not the original movie, which, while it did have a few moments of horror, was actually more of a thriller, and even so much more than that. And the three people willingly go out in the Orca to try and kill the shark, and that sequence only takes place in the last third of the movie. And even while they are out there they have actual conversations, funny and sad and *real*. These 'Frozen' assholes have obviously tried to make an homage to one of the best movies ever (it happens to be my favorite movie, actually) without bothering to actually watch it.

And why on earth did the girl take her gloves off and wrap her hand around the obviously frozen metal bar? Oh, so we could see her hands freeze to it and watch her peel her skin off.

Plus, they don't even seem that far from the ground. Skiers can land more easily from a height, there's an Olympic sport where they just do that. All they'd have to do is lower one of the people so they'd be even closer to the ground, then that person could ski down and start the lift, or failing that, go find help.

Yes, I know that bad horror movies can be entertaining (I've been to many a Bad Movie Tuesday and always enjoyed it), but these fuckers referenced 'Jaws' twice, and one of those times they even compared this piece of trash to it. UNACCEPTABLE. Blasphemy, as you said.

Yeah, since I broke my foot and basically can't go anywhere I've got a lot of time on my hands.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Excellent! The new name:


readwright said...

Now that I'll see!