Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I generally avoid updating crap on my machine. Unless some groundbreaking shit is offered like Manatee Baseball practice or I HAVE to do an update so that my ipod, lawnmower, breakfast cereal etc. works, then fine. I will. I accidentally updated my fucking itunes to version 9 and now I'm in a morning rage. It really doesn't take much to set me off in the computer realm. Little mutations to my daily workflow make me nuts. And my inability to avoid tiny niggling, unnecessary changes only serves to work me into a minor froth.

What's new and awesome then?

First off, and this sounds stupid, but, my podcast main screen background has magically changed from a nice non-intrusive deep black/grey to a glaring white fucking background. My eyes are already screaming and my brain is working furiously to shut off the tiny ragey-annoyance klaxons firing back and forth in the grey matter. Off to a great start.

I'm sorry I didn't listen to the last 2 second's of the episode Tom.
I love you but iTunes is tearing us apart.

Next up, it appears there are fucktons of new podcasts that I somehow missed. What was yesterday displaying "1" new podcast now shows "13". Cool, I guess I missed out on something, John Oliver and Co tricked me with their whole "I'm on vacation, fuck off" schtick. Oh, wait, there's just an annoying new "half" watched open circle icon for all my podcasts and they factor into the total number of unwatched items. Great. So, if you don't listen to every goddamn second, it stays marked as half-watched. And since I rarely listen to the lame ass music or shitty sound effects ALL podcasts jam into the last 10 seconds, my shit is half-watched central. Yes, I know I can right click their status to "watched", but the point is, IT WORKED FINE BEFORE. Maybe I'm missing a preference or something here.

Next, the killer. The mindbreaker. The one thing that will simply fuck with my head until they switch it the fuck back. Since day one, or near enough to day one that you'd be splitting hairs - when you clicked on the lil' green damn button in itunes, the motherfucking itunes window would transform into the handy dandy tiny mini player. Click on the green guy, away it goes. Click again, big screen returns. Yay!

But no, that shit was too useful and utilitarian.

Now, this ingrained muscle reaction instinct brain function #1 is dead. I've been using this stupid program since it's inception and now it's trying to kill me through a minor change that is totally unnecessary. Click on the green dot now and the itunes window sorta dances a few pixels, but stays in the main itunes window function. No miniplayer transformation. See the fun below:

BEFORE: Full window. I click on ol' greenie like I've been for years and...

AFTER: Yay! It moves 30 pixels! Much better than no miniplayer!

WHAT I WANT: Functionality

Oh yes, there's a new hotkey function, and if you hold Option down when you click on the green button, the miniplayer does it's thing - I know this now. But why the change? What has been made better by this fucking pointless change? Nothing. If all the carmakers decided, "Fuck it, lets place the key ignition on the left side from now on, and all door locks will be located under the seats, just because." there'd me mass social upheaval due to this useless and non-functional change.

It's a minor change, but my brain is rebelling at it in every way. Because it's so pointless. So, don't download itunes 9 until it gets undone or you're ready to deal with this garbage. I know I sound like an 8 year old throwing a fit over a free gift that sucks, but damn, I can't help it. Lifeline was a terrible GI Joe to get for xmas.

Turn that shit back Apple.


Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. You should eat red meat without silverware, or even hands, today. Pro Tools 8 also made changes that create befuddlement and consternation during my daily workflow. BUT, the trick is to keep it real when others do not. I like to keep it real by listening to Al Green's 'Simply Beautiful.' I used to not be able to get my nipple tassles to go in opposite directions; but now, I can reverse their orbit at will and even release a thickening enzyme from my milk glands to starch the tassles into a straighter form -- This, in turn, allows me to do some gravity-defying slow rotations of the tassles that appear to defy Newtonian eroticism. If you're like me, you keep a strobe light on your waistband stereo system. I point mine towards my red spiral painted chest and powder white clown face. If the kids aren't feeling the groove by then, I have my assistant shut the lights off in the classroom as I fire-up the fiberglass laser pointers epoxied to my fingers and I let Gladys and Hergé out of their enclosure. I got Gladys for free because nobody wanted a de-quilled porcupine. But I've had her now fully-grown quills equipped with lasers for several days and the kids seem to really like it. I usually only work with one substitute teacher; and it seems to be a different school every time I perform.

Anyways, there are other ways of keeping it real.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Excellent work Anonymous. Due to your nipple tassel fixation, I can only assume your name begins with K.

I'll work on acquiring some red meats.

Anonymous said...

The tassles are tricky to hide at my part-time dental hygienist gig. For one, they can get in the way when the patient is wearing braces. But, I figured-out a way around the general public's perceived stigma of the 'the lifestyle.' I was inspired by the lyrics of Billy Ocean's "Caribbean Queen" and the ghillie suit I stole from sniper school (when I failed-out due to gross violations of discipline). I painted tassles all over my chest so that the real nipple tassles wouldn't be discernable to the patient's wandering attention. I also gas every patient that comes into the office; so, that helps. Anyways, most of the attention usually stays on the spider tattoo that emerges from my eyebrow. I had that done to get back at my dad for throwing perchloric acid at my first clown face. The eyebrow now covers the area where the spiderweb once prominently stood-out.

Remember to breathe deeply -- It's good for you.

Ack Ack Ack said...

The west coast has affected your brain even further Anonymous K.

rick smith said...

"Anyways, most of the attention usually stays on the spider tattoo that emerges from my eyebrow. I had that done to get back at my dad for throwing perchloric acid at my first clown face."


Murphy said...

I'm concerned with your hatred of Lifeline...I distinctly remember my pure joy at receiving this mug for my birthday, the fact that he was a glorified EMT was quickly glossed over by looking at the back of his package at all the other cool ass dudes my moms coulda purchased instead...frikkin mom.

Chris Horse said...

You'd totally love Media Monkey - but it's PC only.

iTunes- the price you pay for closed architecture that doesn't blue screen ten times a week.

What can ya do?


Coach Cohen said...

@ Chris Horse:

RE: Tits.

Yes, you have them. Big ol' floppy ones like cushions.



Chris Horse said...

But Ty, your troubles pale in comparison to those that did not get Raptured today.


But they are OH SO CLOSE, LORD JESUS!!!!1111oneoneone


I just really want to see the top 25 played songs...

rick smith said...

@Chris: maybe god can help with this person's bad grammar:

"WOW! O_O Wrath of God make all world. I remember that Holy bible pages. Who people get trouble in the World. I believe to god. I prayer to God."

(found on that great rapture code site you gifted us with...)