Tuesday, August 25, 2009

DOLLAR TRAPS AHOY

Turns out the dolla dolla dolla sto' is a swell place to score some potentially birth defect ridden mouse traps. Got some centipede's fuckin' with your cereal in the mornin' - DOLLAR STORE. Cave crickets creeping the hell out of you while your on the shitter - DOLLAR STORE. Boa constrictors keep getting in your lunchbox - DOLLAR STORE. But it seems all the guarantees and peanut scent and super power promises aren't enough to grab the consumer's attention. No, we need cartoons of distressed critters for that shit.

This poor lil' fella got stuck in a trappy trap
and now he's gwonna starve to deff, awwwwwwww.
Super effective. Not child safe though, so no deal.

This grey mouse with thumbs is doing his best
Woody Allen impersonation while he slowly dies.
Child safe, but I really want it to be super effective.
Maybe that's why it comes with 4 of them, becasue they suck.

Blue Touch wins hands down. It may cost me an extra .79 cents, but this shit stops boa constrictors in their slithery tracks. Seems to me the snake would only be minorly inconvenienced while it drags around a stupid dollar store sticky trap. Scorpions and the other assorted illustrations the graphic designer plumbed from google images are doomed as well. Purchased! All home pest must die!

5 comments:

rick smith said...

Somehow I doubt you'll beat the dreaded Brown Widow invasion you have going on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEutHPsF548

Wordo said...

So, it wraps up the mouse like a Hot Pocket sleeve? But how will the Boa operate a microwave? Why am I suddenly asking questions like a cross between Go-Go and Stu?

Lobot: <a href="linkywinky">Blah.</a> Tsk-tsk.

rick smith said...

FUCKALINK!

heh.

TYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy said...

Those sticky pads are like death camp to insects. I have a few of them in my basement and they are covered in spiders and other various assorted crap. The one things they generally don't catch however are centipedes. I think they start to walk on, get stuck, then pull their legs off and keep on being creepy.

I've yet to catch a snake on one, sadly.

Chris Horse said...

They are also great for inner thigh hair removal.