Thursday, January 22, 2009

FUCK YOU FREEDOM FRIES! SUCK ON SOME FREEDOM OF CHOICE DOG NUTS!


From the "How to go out your way to make a big pile of something out of absolutely nothing." Department comes this insane-o-vision statement via the American Life League (ALL). They're sorta like the Justice League of America, but with less Batman and Chief Thunder. Actually if Aquaman or Gleek were to run the JLA it would end up as crazy as this place. ALL issued a statement in response to the hidden insideous intent of free donuts provided by Krispy Kreme on the 20th. OK their priceless statement:


C'mon. Try harder. Dicks.

If you're gonna mince every fucking syllable, then I'd like to personally issue a statement on their wonderful clothing line, particularly how these free thinking folk drag the Holocaust through the mud on a fucking T-shirt here. And as an HTML type person this wonderfully clever button. If it were that easy, I'd / so many fucktards, traffic and money would be a thing of the past. So here's my statement:

"Dear, American Life League, you can ALL get fucked."
See, I can do it too.

I dug the Urban Legends section as well. But the store is full of gems.

Such as this super duper witty get up for toddlers. Might well make shirts for everyone on the planet that claim "Former Ejaculatory Mass" or "I'm sorry for destroying my Mom's Vag".

Or this soul stealin' bumper sticker. I mean I walk by a Planned Parenthood every day. My soul must be fucking dust by now. It's like an evil ipod ad.

But what I really wanna do is rent this fun film. Maybe over a big bowl of oatmeal. The digitized fetus scream? Seriously?

I hate the internet.

12 comments:

Scot said...

does the silent scream vhs tape feature a live perfomance of Slayer playing their near hit "Silent Scream?"

Beezer said...

That has to be your bestest ever post. I was rolling on the floor. Where'd they come up with this crap about the donuts?

Murphy is hungry said...

You think if I got to Krispy Kremes at the Dupont Circle they could put an aborted fetus on an actual donut? Or maybe just a pickeled punk? That would be mighty tasty, might tasty indeed...and make about as much sense as ALL's press release.

Chris Horse said...

Cari would like to purchase one, "I destroyed my mom's vag" onesie straight away.

You know where to send it.

I've often wondered if the urge to latch onto and become part of insano organizations such as ALL goes as far down as the DNA and protein folding.

It would explain their more irrational behaviors for self-preservation.

Ack Ack Ack said...

GOGO USE BIG WORDS.

Super Dan said...

DAMMIT!

There were free donuts and I missed it!!!

Holy fucking shit!!!

oh and that lady is the very definition of batshit insane.

Cohen the Weary said...

How about a picture of a used condom with the words - "Don't throw me away daddy!" under it. Excellent post. You've brought me smiles in Sin City.

Jessica said...

Yeah--
Kate sent me an article about this on Wonkette a little while ago--
http://wonkette.com/405492/free-abortion-donuts-on-demand

The super hot accompanying image sorta ruined jelly donuts for me. At least for the rest of the month.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Thank you for pointing out my inability to stay ahead of the times!

My image is better and I managed to extraneously reference Gleek.

rick smith said...

Ty. I'm ashamed of you.

You missed a perfect opportunity to add a "V" and an "a" in a key location of the signage. tsk tsk.

Ack Ack Ack said...

Ah yes. Your wish is my command. But the dashboard is broken right now. Maybe later.

Murphy is still Hungry said...

Gleek indeed tops tardyness any day o' the week.

Jess, please stop reading Wonkette that crap is for Hill sluts...