MY FENCED GATE IS GONNA BE KILLER BAD BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A detached fence door, no shirt, shit ton of bottle rockets, 'merican flag hat friend -
plus a slogan to be beat.
Good times are a comin' this 4th-o-July.

Want to avoid the redneck preamble and deep engineering maff thoughts?
just hit this link.

"THE QUEEN IN RED"

Modern day version of a book that can cause mind shattering lunacy.
Both Lovecraft approved reads!

I can't take full credit for this. I stole the Palin book image from a Rodney Anonymous post. But hey, I photoshopped it together with the other book and came up with the witty title. That counts for something. Right? Maybe?

HOW DO I CAN GET A DRINKS TANK INVOLVED?

I started the day looking at tank videos. Then I found some insaneo tank called a Ripsaw that was built by dudes in their backyard and it goes stupid fast. Then I found piles of kooks and their own personal goof tanks to tool around in. This guy won the goof tank prize. With some random commenter providing the double win as he typed "take that staggered-spaced cinder blocks!!!!!" and the final win has to be in the form the worst song I've heard in a long whiles. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! So much bad faux tough guy metal, so little time to attach it to YouTube videos of you and your buds falling off of roofs or eating glass for fun.

But, it turns out the muscled up dude in a goof tank of total non-awesomery (in the future there are only cinder block obstacles!) was a mere distraction for the ultimate prize. Looking at king yardtank's other video uploads, there was some beverage science crap. I click and zing, a most amazing invention that all of America, neigh, the world needs installed in its people's dwellings. Middle East peace has been just a brewski away this whole time. And the acting, choice. Mom Jeans too. Oh internet.

NO LOST BOYS 3 I GUESS.

He was certainly the most busted of the Corey's. And most of the reason the other Corey is so currently busted. At least I think so. And he went out in the most predictable manner possible. Great job Haim.

HAROLD HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS

Looks like Harold's promising new life has taken a toll on his soul. Cringe at how he's transitioned from eager young hobo (I can recall his bearded face so easily) to middle-aged frightened man to grumpy old codger. This could be the end of our dear friend Harold. Only Photoshop can save him now.

BUBB RUB AND LIL' SIS MAKE MY HEART GO WOOOOOOOOOO. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. EVEN IF IT'S JUST FOR DECORATION.

The WHOOOOOOS. The Oakland gear. The names. The breakfast explanation. The near death "demonstration". The WHOOOOOOOOOOs. Internet gold.

And the swizzle sweet remixes begin. (well began, this is an old intarnets meme, but it cleared out my mucus filled lungs via hearty laughter.)

A special whooooooooo goes out to da Anderschlong for the heads up.

"I DELIVER...THE MAIL" or COSTNER BETTER HURRY THE HELL UP WITH MY NETFLIX, RAPTURE OR NO RAPTURE.

I can only really, really, really hope that this website and the service it proposes to guarantee is a joke. Which is definitely quite likely given the "About Us" page. And if so, I wish it well. If not, well, I wish it well. Hooray for the ease of Paypal! Unfortunately, the Rapture Survival Guide is out of stock.

And in honor of such a ridiculous service, I'm stuffing Kevin Costner - from his super dope role which put the postman in The Postman - into artist renditions of the Rapture.

I'll take Blondie's version of Rapture please.