RHYTHM CHICKEN BRINGS THE RUCKUS

One of my favorite parts of Razorcake is reading up on the Rhythm Chicken and his adventures in "The Dinghole Reports" column. The basic story is that he's just a dude who likes to grab his drum kit, set it up on street corners, restaurants, weddings, record stores, supermarkets, or wherever the mood guides him, and then go at it for 5-10 minutes. Then disappear. While wearing a fuzzy bunny head. Often under the influence of cheap beer. He's been doing it for like 10 years or so. Suck on that flashmobs and social networks.

Stupid and immature on the surface, but for some reason it fills me with joy. I think the absurdity of a drum kit as a street performer's instrument of choice helps. So does the bunny head and his drumsticks in the air patented pose. Most folks take it in stride and see the benefit of a random bunnyheaded, potentially shirtless guy blastin' the skins in weird public spots. One of his big deal events is some parade where he rides his own float/flatbead truck, mostly decorated with beer cans. He coins what he does "Ruckus". Sometimes he uses completely stupid oversized drumsticks to add to the hilarity.

His identity is still a mystery to me and I like it that way. Though I did do some research eventually and found some interviews and podcasts with the guy. The rabbit talks in a strange series of chicken clucks, is probably of Polish decent given his knowledge of weird Polish words (Rytm Kurcze) and love for Polish hardcore bands, and lives in or about Milwaukee - which means there's an OK chance the guy is a nerd or sorts since Gencon was hosted there for years. And he loves to bring the Ruckus.

What's the point? I dunno. His latest exploit impressed me the most, so I wrote about it to raise Rhythm Chicken awareness. One of his friends bought a goofy boat and they decided to take the Ruckus one sunny afternoon to the people boating on a lake. A full day of drumming whilst on a crummy boat. Genius. Mayhaps one day he'll do DC. Probably already has.

Hitting Youtube, I actually found some doofuses on a boat (ignore their whoooos and focus on the chicken) who caught the Rhythm Chicken in action a few times while at sea. Plus one of his float appearances.

Long live the Ruckus.

ADOBE'S PISSED

While watching the whole ipad thing on my lunch (new saddo level reached, I was WATCHING a damn live blog) I nearly spit out my hummus and chips when ol' Steve Jobs fired up his new device. Not because it was mindblowingly awesomesauce. Because Jobs hit the interwebs, which hit a Flash site and BAM, front and center the "this jobby won't run Flash" icon was there. This had to be a goof. Why would you load a busted screen at an unveiling lots and lots of people would be checking out? Or was it a fuck you?


It seems that with the 3 years or so since the iphone and itouches launched, people have been missing out on a decent chunk of the internet. And don't sit there and tell me Apple could't fix this issue in that amount of time. Just don't. Other mobile devices can hack it, so can the fucking iphone. So, is Apple forcing the internet to evolve in some sorta creepy powerplay? To dump Flash and move forward with newer, less busted stop-gaps like plugins? I'm not sure I like how it's being done if so, but I'm OK with things changing.

Either way, Adobe is pissed.

FINAL HAROLD. PROBABLY.

One of the more lucid yet deranged commenters, "Anonymous", sent in a slew of Haroldshops. I won't attempt to apply logic to any of them. I'm just going with it. I like the cowboy hat one.

THROWBACK. TO BEFORE RETARDED CHEMICALS.

Oh goody! Thank you very much for the honor/privilege! How's about ya just throwback and stay the fuck back? Limited time only. Feh. Stupid bastards. Is using real sugar on a permanent basis really going to cut into Pepsi's stupid ridiculogianormous profit margins? Is crazy.

HAROLD!

Today, he appeared once more. Without me even attempting to look for him. (As is Harold's way.) It broke me. What demographic, spending habits, previous crimes, movie rentals, snooty beer preference, level of love for ROM The Space Knight, salary band, or credit score do I possess that has led to him haunting my daily internet voyages? Gah.

So, I hit tapped Photoshop to help release my perplexed energies. 40 mins later, I have the garbage strewn before your eyes below. Here's what Harold's might be planning to do next!

Kick it at the con in his sweet cardboard Tau outfit.

Stomp some cities at the local MonPoc Tournament.

Hang out and scare children with his buddy Gary Busey.

Read to his kid in complete fuzzy comfort.

Plug his latest Infomercial.

Practice his ability to mess up the Metro schedule and close doors on puppies.

Pop it to lock it.

Put some time into his American hot dog cart.

Visit the Jersey shore for a wet and wild time.

Work out his inner redneck.

Jazz!

Become a Mechwarrior.

Float in his badass floatin' chair and eat whatever ambles by.

Sell some T-shirts.

Eat some bread with flesh jam.

Appear in toast.

PINNACLE ACHIEVED.

Man, I'm hungry. I have 99 cents, but how do I unravel this riddle? Ah!

There can be no future high point in print advertising. Ad execs everywhere are packing their suitcases full of money and getting out while the gettin's good. The daring concept of merging a fictional eccentric 1880's detective with the modern 7-11 staple roller food product known as "Taquito" (which look like what I imagine the inside of a yellow tabby cat's tail to be filled with - tasty red or yellow tinged vittles) PLUS an infintely clever phrase relating to said detective AND facilitating awarness for a jillion dollar holiday blockbuster ON TOP of the fact that this ad was placed just above a gas pump emitting the delicious, "hey, you getting hungry?" perfumed fumes of petroleum ALONG with a nice price with really small writing no one can read beneath the nice price is beyond our current abilities as humans.

OUR HOBO FRIEND IS REALLY CLEANING UP. HIS NAME IS HAROLD. (OF THE ROCKS)

Bastard's an internet meme! My interweb injun pathfinder dug our hairy friend up once more. Looks like he passed his MD drivers license test after receiving all them sweet grants and loans! But, since Harold doesn't have a car it's kinda moot. However, he's stoked to push his cart around with the confidence a driver's license provides. Actually, Harold is thinking of insuring his cart, since it's vintage ('68 Genuardi's Model with the non slip wheel feature) and qualififes under Geico's "we'll insure a fucking skateboard with one wheel" powersports policy. At 25, things for our pal Harold couldn't be better.

Photoshop and send me where you think Harold should go next, or who he should leech off of once his grant runs out, or maybe what kinda career he'll eventually land. Best ones get tossed up for all to view. You got 5 minutes, slap Harold on something for fun's sake.