STEP THREE, YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN A BOX

Whilst on a magical Peter Pan bus to NYC, I spotted a bunch of brightly colored storage places and took a crummy photo. Storage places that had an odd logo choice. I doubled checked the website to be sure. Yes. I'm 12.

GRIZZLED DUDE SCARES GIRL, MYERS GOES TO JAIL, PAUL RUDD?

This pretty much sums up Halloween 5+6. Loomis in this one is double super crazed. He spends most of the film acting like a monster and yelling into the face of a 10 year old recovering from being hunted down by a pychopath. The same terrorized little girl is later used as bait, a shield, and then an offering to Myers by our brave action psychiatrist.

The film starts to leap into the fringes of drunken plot points from part 3. Let's simply not hover on the fact that early in the film, Myers is picked up by a river hobo and left to sleep in his river shack for a full year until the next October 31st comes around. What were they doing for a full year? Plus there's some dude dressed in black that mysteriously shows up throughout the film for no reason at all. Except to mystically blow up a jail and set Myers free at the end so that he can careen into the wackyland that is part 6. Although 6 is easily as ludicrious as the infamous part 3, it's strangely satisfying to watch for it's off the rails plot, funtastic kills, abusive fathers, wooden child actors, the mom from better off dead, and a young Paul Rudd.

My advice, checkout parts 1+2, then head straight to Halloween H20. Skip all the other stuff inbetween.

LONG LIVE SANDWICH HUT!

I finally found a local place that delivers the tasty-times sandwiches to my gut. It's called Sandwich Hut. They are cheap. They recently extended their hours. They don't mess around with Prosciutto. Excellent meatball there too. After a lunch at Sandwich Hut, I've been surprised to find myself repeating my father's famous pre-dinner quote from childhood. The line is uttered just before any preparation decisions for the evening meal are made: "I dunno, I had a big lunch." Yummers.

MUTHLOVIN' YEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-RGH! NOW I SHALL REIGN IN 180g VINYL!

So dope. Slayer's The Vinyl Conflict arrived. 11 slabs-o-satanic-wax. Remastered. I coulda done without the Undisputed Attitude album though. Best vinyl set out in a whiles. I been holding on collecting any Slayer due to pricing, but this one knocks 'em all out in one go. Nice. King Diamond needs to do another boxed set, but of this level of quality, and I'd be complete. Come on KD, take some back pills and get on that!

HALLOWEEN IV "THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS" or MAYBE THAT STONEHENGE ACTIVATED BUG MASK THING WAS A BAD IDEA or FURTHER DOWN THE FAIL SPIRAL WE GO

I'm slowly working my way through all the Halloween films right now. I know the 1st one very well, as it is a milestone for horror, but the rest are mostly a blur in my head. I've seen them all at some point in life, but they just never really stuck. Outside of the ludicrousness of the genre-bending tour de force that was Halloween III: Season of the Witch, of course. You can scrub all you want, but the custard filled evil robots remain. The one thign that did stick with me, after it was pointed out, was the fact that Michael Myers is the one slasher villian that drives a car. Which is awesome.

Anywho, the original and part 2 are great because they sorta smash together to make on 3 hour long slash-o-fest. Thanks to the way the second film picks up seconds after where the original left off. But even there signs of the goofery to come were present.

Mainly when Michael's crazy doctor, Sam Loomis played by Donald Pleasence, starts waving a gun at every kid that's wearing anything like the Myers mask. This culminates in an amazing scene where some poor dumbass kid in a mask has Loomis threaten to shoot his ass, only to wander into the street where he is promptly hit by a car. A car which then hits a parked truck and explodes, with the kid imapled on the front bumper. The scene ends with the kid smashed and on fire. But in a funny way. Hey, don't take my word for it.

More importantly the scene from part 2 solidifies the series' true star. No, not Michael Myers silly! The mighty madman - Dr. muthalovin' Loomis! Since the entire series seems to have derailed big time, might as well just go with whatever and let Donald Pleasence go bezerk. So, they pretty much devoted the entire 4th film to Loomis' nutty adventures. Which make sense because they goofed up the friggin' Michael Myers mask and set up some way crap lighting. The film's monster was so goofy in every scene, there was zero menace. I kept thinking to myself that he looked more like Data from Star Trek TNG than anything else.

Now, check out some the many gem filled stills from Halloween 4 I took featuring the good doctor.

Sam surveys the scene of an ambulance Myers wrecked during his mostly off screen escape. The cops are just too busy to even look and count how many bodies are present. They figure, "Welp, that's that." So Loomis steps up.

After surviving a completely unsurvivable explosion in the 2nd film's climax, Loomis now sports a jaunty scar, crumbly hands, and a limp. Not to bad for being in confined space blown apart by volumes of volatile gas and fire mixing. It's like a video game, except Loomis doesn't instantly die when he falls in water.

Donald did his own stunts. Action Pleasence!

Thus he earned his on screen boozin'. I've no doubt he was half in the bag during most of the filming. One anecdote from shooting was that Donald had a hat on his head to keep warm during some night shots. No one noticed it (par for the film in general) and the character of Dr. Loomis with a goofy hat was never really established. Sooooo they had to do a whole nights worth of shooting again the next evening.

More Action Pleasense! Though I think this is a stunt dude, since Pleasence would obviously want any stunt he performed to be lit. By lights and stuff. You know, a lit scene.

Now begins the incredulence of Loomis. He seriously wonders inside "Why won't anyone take my insane ass seriously?" "Look at my scar man, it changes in each scene! That's some serious shit!" "Where are your guns?"

The best Myers moment (there was only one) was the face ripping of a dude as he was driving. It was rad.

OK, now that Myers has been vanquished by guns (didn't work before, but now it does? Okdoke.) A bloody Dr. Loomis is thankful to have survived Michales latest rampage.

But no! The twist ending we all saw coming from the 10th minute in is upon us! Who would have thought Michael Myers' niece would have taken up his murderous ways! Shocker!

This shot and expression wraps it all up really. So many more films to go...

Heh. Hot nuts.

Lastly I leave you with the guy responsible for shitting everything up. Alan McElroy. He wrote the script in 11 days. Because he needed to get it done before a writer strike took effect. Great job dude!

SADDO CON 2011 PLAYTESTING IN SESSION!

You know when you look at most card or boardgames, there's an icon or set of numbers explaining how many players it's designed for? Most of the time it's 2-4 or 3-5 or whatever. Because they assume you have a group or family to play said game with. Then there are those that indicate 1-4 or 1-5 - with emphasis on "1". They're known as "Solitare" rules or in the UK, the more appropriate, "Billy No Mates".

Well, the other day I sat down and participated in such a venture! Let SADDO-CON 2011 begin! When the lady walked over and asked what I was doing and I replied in truth - the look on her face might as well have been if I were sitting there shirtless watching gay porn with another shirtless dude.

In fairness, it's a Space Hulk (because Space Hulk is super rad) card game and it plays pretty well as a solitare thing. Be fun with people as well I'd imagine. It has a neat feel and is as brutal as regular ol' Space Hulk. Though rolling dice with no one around and getting stoked is pretty fucking sad. Sadder yet was that I lost.

WHAT'S INSIDE?

Mmmmmm. Sauce 3000 G 2.

In other news, did you know The Video Dead was released to Netflix streaming?

Huzzah for trash!

HELLO CLEVELAND! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK! TO THE WICKED BAD SOUNDS OF DICK WARLOCK!

Watched halloween II last night and had to pause the credits, twice. Dick Warlock was doing double time in this film as Myers and some cop. I laughed, then remembered laughing at that name before in some other film's credits. Like Halloween III, Friday the 13th V, and of course Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo. Oh fun. Would be a good band name though.