I LEARNED A FACT, NOW I AM SAD.

So, it took me a few minutes to put together the name Koenig being tossed around when the news ticker thing at the bottom of the screen was going on about a lost actor in Vancouver. Then said actor was found dead today and it all clicked. Boner Stabone was a Koenig. Checkov is a Koenig. Eureka. The double shock of learning that all these years, my favorite stereotypical Whop from "Unser Lautes Heim" was all along the spawn of a goofy Star Trek Ensign was mighty. And now he's gone. I leaned something, then got sad for learning. No more learning for me.

See, he likes Pizza.

He like Veetza too.

He stopped praying when he learned it was a suicide.

Maybe a quick round of Left Behind will quiet the demons in your head K-dogg.

And to round it out, a pile of stupid Star Trek YTMNDs, mostly Epic Maneuvers, to help the pain go away. (Looks like they got interstitial ads now....suck)

Geordie Does A Barrel Roll

Way Epic Red Shirt Fail

Worf Does What He Does Best - Fall Down

Geordie Teaches Worf About Muscle Cars

And Now We Dance

DEATH IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES or FIRE CORPSEY TROPEDOES

When you gotta go, go out like Spock did the 1st time. In a decommissioned photon torpedo. Or if you're not into the whole "irradiated dead body fired into space only to resurrected via the Genesis project and forced through creepy accelerated puberty while Christopher Lloyd hunts you down" thing, save them precious post cremation dust motes forever in a sweet Trek themed urn. No joke. I'd save up, but the price is TBD. Luckily, the cat urns are all set to ship. Go get 'em "Fluffy".

However, if you're low on cash or the kwatloo conversion sucks this week, you can simply opt to go out in a fucking cardboard box. The Green solution! (versus being buried in no box at all.) Styled as inappropriately as you wish. A bottle of wine? A hot licks guitar? Your favorite country? Some dolphins? Classy.

DRAG ME TO HELL IN THE USS KELVIN

I'm going to get blowed up.

So, Star Trek is nearly here and I've managed to simply be excited for it and that's that. I'm not gonna over nerd it and break my stupid brain. I'm just gonna go and see it and then...maybe I'll get nerdy then. The point is, new Trek movie, stuff blows up, and Romulans are involved. Sounds good to me.

Staples are a good thing for my head.

To distract me and at the same time give me something new to look forward to, I've been focusing on Drag Me To Hell, which releases May 29th. Did someone say Sam Raimi? Old school horror? Sam Raimi? Dark comedy? Witches with mortgages? Demons? Yeah, I'm on board.

Give us a kiss, my pet.

The suck part, it's currently PG-13, so no over the top gore I guess. Which I was kinda looking forward to. But perhaps a return to subtlety isn't so bad in these days of shit like Saw. Raimi is damn good at having simple things carry weight. There's also some talk that the ending may change and from what I hear it's currently one of those "everyone loses" type endings. Which I'm fine with, but some folks with money ain't. The sticking point may be the whole Hell thing and Demons eating some lady. I guess we'll see if Sam can fend off big Hollywood interests and give fans a lil' of the ol' Evil Dead magic.

>>>>> TRAILER LINK <<<<<

I PICK APART THE NEW, 3RD, STAR TREK TRAILER BECAUSE I CAN! BESIDES, I WANT TO WIDLY SPECULATE ON CRAP THAT I SAW FOR A MERE SECOND!

New trailer means new fun speculation and rabid rantings from barely researched facts! This 3rd trailer opens up a few more questions and closes a few at at the same time. Kirk and the Enterprise just gets weirder and I'm beginning to like this Nero dude. There's a comic out now that's a prequel of sort and it's setting up how Nero got to be the way he is now. Basically he was a good dude, loyal to the Romulan Empire to the last, but he blames Vulcan and the Federation for the destruction of Romulus (along with his wife and unborn child) due to those two planets' people and their beaueaucratic inability to get anyfuckingthing done in a rapid manner. Now this is future Romulus, so he travels back in time somehow I guess to fuck up these two galactic powers so the Romulan Empire will be that much better. Or something. I love Romulans, so who cares.

Kirk snarfs his chocolate space milk after Spock drops
some choice racial slurs against Andorians.

Pissing off Asians is Kirk's specialty. Well, any foreigner really.

They best not bust up that jukebox damn it.
Those things are hard enough to get nowadays for crissakes.

I believe this is Papa Kirk about to bite it on the bridge...

...only to save his wifey and newborn son Kirk.

San Fransisco of the future seems to be doing just fine.

This is despite all that I hear the gays are doing to ruin the place
for good American regular straight folk.

But that Nero due isn't into queers I guess. Laser to face.

Lookit that orange haired dude in Starfleet College: Kilingon Manners 101.

I think I know his retarded red-headed father.

The mighty space vage disgorges Nero's ship!

Some planet imploding after getting the drill? Maybe Vulcan.

Mess with the Romulans, get the horns!
Even time travel can't save your ass!

So based on the dialogue, the Captain and 1st officer eat it.
So, Kirk just sorta takes command.

Because he's nearest the command chair and sits down first.
Starfleet Rule 329.78z9: Musical Chairs will be played in the event of...

Why is Kirk in this snowy realm?
He goes there after he takes over the Enterprise based on his face contusions.
I have no idea, but old tyme Spock is on this planet me thinks.
Maybe Spock came back with Nero and was then exiled?

1701 vs The Nero ship thingy.
Sweet. A little close though!

This ship bugs me.

It looks like the form of a person is standing there.

Like Spock in a blue uniform.

But then it goes off towards Nero's ship...

...and rams into it causing a big explosion?

Maybe past Spock has to die so future Spock never was?

I don't like time travel.

Spock gets some "play".

Laser blast from sky confirms that Nero attacks Vulcan.
Or someone with that ship at least.

Even Spock's hair is highly logical and mathematically perfect.

Sulu rocks a sword reverse hand stylee.

And he flips and whirls around like a Samurai.

While Kirk gets straight bitched by Nero.

End result: They both get tossed off the friggin' drill platform.

Nero is pissed and says:

"James T Kirk was a great man, but that was another life."

Oh, how I don't like time travel.

Kirk runs from a bearlike snow beast.

Then the snow beast gets eaten by some other huge bastard!

Papa Kirk on the bridge just before it blows the fuck up.

He's getting lifted out of the chair from the blast behind him.
Action crotch!

Enterprise drops out off warp to enter the debris field that was the USS Kelvin.

I think that's Pike or April, not Kirk in the command chair.

So the current captain eats it somewhere during this sequence.

Nero's ship seems to fire nothing but hordes of physical missiles.

I don't recall a single phaser or anything.

Maybe refitted drilling equipment?
Damn Romulan hillbillies.

Old Spock or Past Spock I guess.

He was revealed in an earlier web only trailer version.

I just stuck him in here.
That makes FOUR Spocks in this movie.
Infant, boy, young adult, ancient.
Spock, the Final Frontier.

I PICK APART THE ALL NEW STAR TREK TRAILER IN THE LONGEST MOST SPINE TINGLING MOST PHOTO-RIFIC-TASTA-DUBIOUS POST OF 2008

OK, so a crummy YouTube verison of the new Star Trek trailer was out there over the weekend as it was bundled with the latest 007 movie. I missed out on that. But I checked out the bootleg version this morning. Then the HD version went up at a specified time (though their site blew up and said I still had to wait a day, hooray nerds!) for me to check out. The benefit is that you can go frame by frame and pick the bastard apart. So I did. Overall, I'm still totally stoked on the thing. But I fear for the direction my beloved Romulans are heading. But what do I know!

00:08 - Sweet Stingray with it's top up.

00:12 - Sweet Stingray with it's top magically down. Oops.

00:21 - Space shoes! To the max!

00:39 - Space Robot Cop. My favorite robot friend hopes that this is in fact a human with some sorta cyborg face mask. Otherwise, there goes the whole Data is the only sentient human made android thing.

00:58 1st instance of ship porn. Enterprise being built in drydock. Not sure how that works with low orbit type stuff, I didn't think these vessels could enter earth's atmosphere. Again, what do I know.

01:06 - Oh Wynonna. Givin' Sarek some sugar.

01:08 - Spock in his 1st day of school clothes/comfy Cosby sweater.

01:09 - Teleportation stuff goes round and round instead of up and down.
It's new damn it!

01:18 - USS Kelvin going in for it's beating vs some sorta weird organic looking ship.
(please, please, please, please don't be Romulan)

01:21 - Eric Bana as evil tattoo dude. He's Romulan. Hopefully he's some sorta splinter group or pirate Romulan. Because he's too biker tough for my taste. But, above him is a now familiar weird tentacle thing in that observation bubble. Which means the organic ship is probably his. Sadness in pants growing.

01:22 - It's nice to see that Under Armour made it to the future. Mmmm snug.

01:25 - Some super drill thing boring into a planet. Planet Vulcan?
The drill do-dah is awfully tentacle-like...

01:29 - This could be a Roumlan shippy thing.
Early Romulans were weird and had strange shit going on in the aft hull.
Like this whirly-gig critter.

01:30 - Kirk hides under Spock's bed during a surprise visit from Bones.

01:33 - Sulu is all sorts of pissed about Prop 8.
Here we see the continuation of the dirty biker Romulan theme.
Give this goon ridge plates and he's practically Klingon. Booooooo.

01:34 - More super drill stuff. Now it's on fire!
It's attached to some sorta sky rig as Bana prepares to stomp Kirk.

01:36 - It's official. Romulans are dirty leather bikers. Just like Klingons!
I can still hope that they are some sort of fringe group.

01:38 - Meet the guaranteed action figure! Roar! Scary!

01:39 - Another look at the organic tentacle ship messing up the Kelvin.

01:41 - Tentacled ship thing coming from/going to warp.
If it wasn't supposed to be Romulan I'd be more stoked.

01:41 - More tentaclular fun. A bit clearer.

01:45 - This last shot of the Kelvin shows a tiny green powered (Romulan) attack craft strafing the phaser pods and generally wrecking shit. From what I'm seeing, space combat is more about tiny attack craft swarms than cruisers going at it.

Overall: I have a boner. But, it is slightly deflated by the fact that they seem to have "reimagined" my favorite Star Trek race in a totally 180 fashion. These guys look like frigin' Klingons and have strange organic ships. I WANT FUCKING BIRDS OF PREY DAMN IT.