I PICK APART THE ALL NEW STAR TREK TRAILER IN THE LONGEST MOST SPINE TINGLING MOST PHOTO-RIFIC-TASTA-DUBIOUS POST OF 2008

OK, so a crummy YouTube verison of the new Star Trek trailer was out there over the weekend as it was bundled with the latest 007 movie. I missed out on that. But I checked out the bootleg version this morning. Then the HD version went up at a specified time (though their site blew up and said I still had to wait a day, hooray nerds!) for me to check out. The benefit is that you can go frame by frame and pick the bastard apart. So I did. Overall, I'm still totally stoked on the thing. But I fear for the direction my beloved Romulans are heading. But what do I know!

00:08 - Sweet Stingray with it's top up.

00:12 - Sweet Stingray with it's top magically down. Oops.

00:21 - Space shoes! To the max!

00:39 - Space Robot Cop. My favorite robot friend hopes that this is in fact a human with some sorta cyborg face mask. Otherwise, there goes the whole Data is the only sentient human made android thing.

00:58 1st instance of ship porn. Enterprise being built in drydock. Not sure how that works with low orbit type stuff, I didn't think these vessels could enter earth's atmosphere. Again, what do I know.

01:06 - Oh Wynonna. Givin' Sarek some sugar.

01:08 - Spock in his 1st day of school clothes/comfy Cosby sweater.

01:09 - Teleportation stuff goes round and round instead of up and down.
It's new damn it!

01:18 - USS Kelvin going in for it's beating vs some sorta weird organic looking ship.
(please, please, please, please don't be Romulan)

01:21 - Eric Bana as evil tattoo dude. He's Romulan. Hopefully he's some sorta splinter group or pirate Romulan. Because he's too biker tough for my taste. But, above him is a now familiar weird tentacle thing in that observation bubble. Which means the organic ship is probably his. Sadness in pants growing.

01:22 - It's nice to see that Under Armour made it to the future. Mmmm snug.

01:25 - Some super drill thing boring into a planet. Planet Vulcan?
The drill do-dah is awfully tentacle-like...

01:29 - This could be a Roumlan shippy thing.
Early Romulans were weird and had strange shit going on in the aft hull.
Like this whirly-gig critter.

01:30 - Kirk hides under Spock's bed during a surprise visit from Bones.

01:33 - Sulu is all sorts of pissed about Prop 8.
Here we see the continuation of the dirty biker Romulan theme.
Give this goon ridge plates and he's practically Klingon. Booooooo.

01:34 - More super drill stuff. Now it's on fire!
It's attached to some sorta sky rig as Bana prepares to stomp Kirk.

01:36 - It's official. Romulans are dirty leather bikers. Just like Klingons!
I can still hope that they are some sort of fringe group.

01:38 - Meet the guaranteed action figure! Roar! Scary!

01:39 - Another look at the organic tentacle ship messing up the Kelvin.

01:41 - Tentacled ship thing coming from/going to warp.
If it wasn't supposed to be Romulan I'd be more stoked.

01:41 - More tentaclular fun. A bit clearer.

01:45 - This last shot of the Kelvin shows a tiny green powered (Romulan) attack craft strafing the phaser pods and generally wrecking shit. From what I'm seeing, space combat is more about tiny attack craft swarms than cruisers going at it.

Overall: I have a boner. But, it is slightly deflated by the fact that they seem to have "reimagined" my favorite Star Trek race in a totally 180 fashion. These guys look like frigin' Klingons and have strange organic ships. I WANT FUCKING BIRDS OF PREY DAMN IT.