SCI FI=SYFY?

It's new! It's exciting! It's SyFy!

It's the fresh promise of new Mansquito, Supergator, and Aztec Rex films!

I don't get it.

Sounds like a pure cash move to me. Or "Siffie" if you say the new name out loud.
Here's what they have to be proud of: The list-o-shit Sci Fi (SyFy) Originials.
They're no fun to watch. Not even a little. Pure pain. I know pain and bad film.

But, President Dave Howe sez:

“When we tested this new name, the thing that we got back from our 18-to-34 techno-savvy crowd, which is quite a lot of our audience, is actually this is how you’d text it,”

P.S. BSG is over dude, don't get cocky.

!!! LETTER$ FROM $ANTA !!!

Despite the Snuggie campaign reaching a fever pitch in my junkmail zone, there's still plenty of other crap that makes its way in there. Here's today's big money grab. Generic fill in the blank pieces of paper!

Bah Humbug. (the Dickens meaning)

ONLY TEN BUCKS A THROW!
AUTHENTIC NORTH POLE STAMP!
(Up to Dec 9th. Still charges you though. Small print central.)
GENERIC SHIT!
WIN FOR THE KIDZ!
30 BUCKS GETS YOU...
AN EXTRA PIECE OF PAPER!

KANE VS JASON VS FLAMETHROWER VS SYNTH. WINNER = EVERYONE.

I did a bit on the quad guitar and how dope it was a whiles back. Which is solid f'n fact. However, one of my dedicated Placemaniakz commented, "No way, that's pussy shit. Check out what Kane Roberts did." And like a good investigative interweber, I did.

It's true, this Kane fella went off the deep end and created the most craziest six string monstrosity to date. His guitar creation and self-titled LP was all about merging the dude's most favoritest nine things. These being (in no special order) Guitars, Automatic weapons, "Fuck off" Scopes, Kettenkrad repair, Flamethrowers, Weight-lifting, Spandex, Slighty upsidedown crosses, and Police evasion.

With such hits as "Too Much (for Anyone to Touch)" and "A Strong Arm Needs a Stronger Heart" I'm sure it's a great album. You can judge it for yourself if you wish on this sketchy music pirate-tastic Spanish language Heavy Metal site. (South/Central American folks fucking love heavy metal) I've included both the original and enhanced version of the LP cover for your perusal. As luck would have it, I picked this up over the weekend on a record hunting trip with JP. Excellence. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

I thought I had reached the edge of ridiculousness. Nah. Turns out ridiculousness has no end, like The Simpsons. I present thee, the KEYSWORD. Hokey smokey! It's pretty funny to begin with, but the funny only manages to get funnier, much like a seriously drunken hobo who's fallen onto the Metro's 3rd rail. Turns out the dude behind the Keysword is none other than Ari Lehman.

Who cares? I mean who is that guy anyway? Pop culture fun fact: He was the kid who got to play drowned Jason Voorhees in the 1st Friday The 13th movie. Turns out he loves the rock and the roll and has a ridiculous band fashioned after everyone's fave maniac named "First Jason". Yep. Machetes on stage, gore masks, and songs about machetes. Here's a snippet I lifted from an interview with the guy about the Keysword.

"The KeySword is a key element to the FIRSTJASON sound. I can play on it EXTEMELY fast, and yet it sounds exactly like a crunchy distorted guitar! I attached an analog syth to a 6 foot long Chinese Wooden Sword, put a guitar strap on it, and plug it throug a GK Bass amp with the distortion on.

With Nefarious’ distictly accurate style of playing a five string Bass with a pick, and Amit Cleaver’s amazing groove oriented drumming style, we create a torrentially powerful sound that has a killer groove behind it. It is definitely a Punk/Metal texture, but it has a unique Crystal Lake flow."

Ludicrous Speed achieved. Check his site for sweet mp3's, videos and all the rest. Or you could just hit this link to have a listen to the super mega hit "Machete is my Friend". Or the rasta-esque stylings' of "You Better Run".

Advice: Stay in the lake dude.