IT'S SO GOLDEN BROWN AND CRISPEE!

Mr.T's FlavorWave Turbo is not a fever dream. He's gone the infomercial route in the hopes of achieving Forman Grill status and maybe to pick up a new van in the process. This shit is epic. The production is top to bottom hilarity: cuts to the near rapturous audience, breaking things, eating things, incredulous queries, saying Mmmm alot. Yeah. It's all in there.

The whole thing opens with Mr. Tureaud, our 57 year old hero,
busting through a door. While wearing a red shirt to honor the Kool Aid Man.

He looks a bit stunned afterwards. But triumphant nonetheless!

The crowd straight loses their shit. Especially that one grey hair.

After some cooking and stuff, the ladys busts out a cake
(not made in the turbo machine).

"It's not my Birffday!" Exclaims Laurence.

Well, it may not be his birffday, but that one grey hair think T should get some bling for his efforts.

Presto, the piece de la resistance.
A fucking FlavorWave gold medal. I can't deal with this.


Here's the real deal video. Favorite moments at 2:02, 3:03, and 5:20.


And, the inevitable mashups. This one is more aggro.
Breaking things and making demands are front and center.


This one is a bit more soulful, with a lovely chewing breakdown. Nice.

BLANKETS ARE OK, BUT THEY CAN SLIP AND SLIDE.

Having just trudged through some cold shitty rain (Gooood luck Stuart!) on a night which I figured it wouldn't be all that bad out (only to be being proven dead wrong by the barrage of tards and their piss pooooor umbrella usage, cars driving through 4 inch deep drainage back ups on street corners, getting kicked off a broken down train on an exposed platform of course, the soaking of my book through my crummy computer bag [good thing I leave the computer at work] and under dressing in general due to the falsehood of yesterday's 60 degree weather still playing in my head) I'm feeling a bit chill.

So I hit the internet for warmth. Hotmail especially. (See it's hot!) Whilst checking through the always amusing junkmail, I discovered that the market for Snuggie penetration is now TOTAL. What, you don't know what a Snuggie is? Deviant Cyborg Unit, Designation: LOBOT hipped me to this sweet "As seen on TV item" one day afew weeks back. Basically, it's a blanket with arms. Because blanket technology has failed us a species thus far. So you can read in total comfort! Cook in total comfort! Use your laptop without being in a non-state of total comfort! Have session on the Thunder Bucket in total comfort! Etc!

>>>>LINK TO BANGED UP REMIX OF COMMERCIAL<<<<

First I got the link from the 'bot in an email. Then I checked out the site. Ha ha, funny stuff. Then every morning I'd see an ad on CNN or FOX and Friends about the things. Act now get two for the price of one! Occasionally I'd see a flash ad for Snuggies while looking up Danish Coffee fetish porn at work. Now, finally, the good folks at Snuggie HQ have penetrated my junk mail. And yes, I clicked "show all content". I guess I have to go buy one or five now.

>>>>LINK TO FIREPIT SCENE<<<<

For what it's worth, the TV commercial is awesome because there is a quick bit that's not on the website that shows the Snuggie family outside surrounding an open fire pit, decked out in red Snuggies. Straight up Pagan cultist style. Awesome. Ozzy would be proud.

DON'T RESIST, SNUGGIE PENETRATION IS TOTAL