LET THERE BE LIGHT! (AS IN MAKING LIGHT OF MAKING MONEY OFF OF FOOLS.)

Terrify your children with this crazy shit!

"No, that's cool Dad, I'll just read in the dark."

Grab JC's junk and flip away!
Each upward flick brings new life to a room!
Whilst a downward press plunges the room in to demon filled darkness!

"Bedtime is great because it's now a terrifying life or death battle for my soul."

Classic crap from back in the day. Pajamas that double as THE ARMOR OF GOD! Nice. Think these folks went out business. I mean, yeah.

"Jeepers, it's like he knows exactly what I'm thinking of doing after Sunday School."

From the pitch: "When was the last time your class saw how 'HOT' God's Word is? Open this authentic-looking 'Bible' and begin to share the scripture for the day as real flames are seen coming from your 'Bible'. This full-size book comes with a battery-operated ignition system. All you supply are the batteries, lighter fluid and composure..."

"Uh, no, really grandma, I'll just stand."

Got nothing to add to this piece of wonderment.

Special thanks to my trapped Frenchie Floridian penpal for today's inspiration.

IT'S SO GOLDEN BROWN AND CRISPEE!

Mr.T's FlavorWave Turbo is not a fever dream. He's gone the infomercial route in the hopes of achieving Forman Grill status and maybe to pick up a new van in the process. This shit is epic. The production is top to bottom hilarity: cuts to the near rapturous audience, breaking things, eating things, incredulous queries, saying Mmmm alot. Yeah. It's all in there.

The whole thing opens with Mr. Tureaud, our 57 year old hero,
busting through a door. While wearing a red shirt to honor the Kool Aid Man.

He looks a bit stunned afterwards. But triumphant nonetheless!

The crowd straight loses their shit. Especially that one grey hair.

After some cooking and stuff, the ladys busts out a cake
(not made in the turbo machine).

"It's not my Birffday!" Exclaims Laurence.

Well, it may not be his birffday, but that one grey hair think T should get some bling for his efforts.

Presto, the piece de la resistance.
A fucking FlavorWave gold medal. I can't deal with this.


Here's the real deal video. Favorite moments at 2:02, 3:03, and 5:20.


And, the inevitable mashups. This one is more aggro.
Breaking things and making demands are front and center.


This one is a bit more soulful, with a lovely chewing breakdown. Nice.